America's big stuff

Hola me amigos de Mexico. I can’t believe that we have finally made it into Latin America and it feels like it has been a long time in coming and this is where the real traveling finally begins.

Recapping on our past few weeks in the US we left Portland in the US north-west and boarded a plane to San Francisco to briefly explore the US mid and south-west.
Now we all know that the Americans can be a little enthusiastic and loud at times but up until now Seattle and Portland had been somewhat reserved in nature. The call to board the plane came over a microphone from a Taylor Swift wannabe and went something like this in a ‘The price is right, come on down’ sort of fashion:
“Good afternoon folks it is time to board your flight to San Francisco so firstly I will be calling on all of you amazing, adorable and attractive people in Group A”
“Ok, now it is time for the beautiful, brilliant and best Group B, yeah…”

We were in Group E so had to sit through 3 more lots of this. When we, the excellent, exquisite and electrifying ones were called forward she almost creamed herself as she read aloud my boarding pass and exclaimed that she had just boarded Adam Lambert. (Note: crap American singer)
I just tried to walk by as fast as possible.

We took our seats and to head air hostess took to the airwaves:
“Good afternoon everybody and welcome. Who is flying with Virgin America for the first time today?”
Much to Arancha’s insistence not to, I eagerly put my hand up with a few others
“Well welcome aboard people. Everyone, give these guys a huge round of applause for choosing Virgin”
The plane erupts into applause and I am not talking the odd bonehead; everyone.
“Today we are flying to San Francisco, who here is from San Fran?
The plane goes crazy with whoops and fist pumping akin to a “USA, USA” chant. Even the cool looking black dude next to us let out a manly “Yeah!”
“I myself am from the greatest city of all, New York”
A chorus of booing rings around the plane.
We had no idea what to make of this so just sat back and enjoyed the show. Americans – a race all to themselves.

We arrived into San Francisco mid-afternoon and within no time at all we were sat in the front room of our good friend Rachael looking out over the rooftops towards the beach with the top of the Golden Gate Bridge to our right.
The following day we attempted to explore the city but with a persistent rain we gave up and decided to get the chores out of the way ie. Laundry and food shopping.
The sun had his hat back on in no time and the next day we were able to venture downtown and do the touristy stuff. We explored the food markets at the Ferry Terminal, walked by the ocean to Pier 39 to view the resident sea lions (who stunk), jumped onto an infamous San Fran cable car to ride up and down the city hills before taking a stroll through the Golden Gate Park and watching one of the coolest dudes to ever don a pair of roller skates (see the youtube clip at the end of this post). Unfortunately I wasn’t quick enough to film the transvestite on rollerblades who seductively bent over to change the music and providing me with a lovely upskirt view of his tiny pants.

Our next tourist day saw us on an early morning boat making our way over to the fabled Alcatraz. Don’t get me wrong, with my looks and curly hair I wouldn’t last 30 seconds in jail before I became somebody’s bitch and a full time picker-upper of the shower soap but it is precisely for these reasons that I didn’t think that Alcatraz seemed that bad.; you got a cell to yourself!
In all seriousness it was a gloriously sunny day but inside it all seemed very bleak in what was a huge hall that had 160 or so cells running through it with no room for privacy. We followed the impressive audio tour and wandered around the prison trying the cells out for size, the dining room, the Governor offices and control room, the recreational yard and of course the cells that still show the evidence of the ‘escape’ with newly created paper-mache heads in the beds; and all of this was accompanied with the verbal recollections of the guards and prisoners.

I think the worst part for me was when one of the prisoners described how especially on New Year’s Eve they would be able to hear the sounds of the revellers and the laughter of women floating across the Bay from the mainland that was just a 2,000 metres away reminding them that they had nothing and no life. So near yet so very far; sod that, especially if they were taking out the lack of women on me!!

After our own escape from the hordes of Alcatraz we ventured to the top of the Coit Tower for a glorious 360 degree view of the city and the bay before heading over to Lombard Street, the world’s most crooked street to watch the many tourists driving down it at 5mph. Why hundreds of tourists were here to see this, including ourselves I am not sure and I am still a little perplexed about why we did this.
After a quick detour via China Town and watching a homeless person steal some $5 jewellery in the most obvious theft known to man we met Rachael for a few drinks and some food in Upper Haight; a neighbourhood made famous for its hippy heyday in the swinging sixties and home to Jim Morrison and Janice Joplin. Today the area is still an eclectic mix of hippies, bums, drug dealers and tourists and a good night was had in the company of some interesting characters including a Dutch businessman who had seen it all and had the photos to prove it with a list of his actual flight dates from the previous year - yawn.

We had now reached the weekend which meant that Rach had some well-earned time off from study and work. After a morning stroll through the park for breakfast we jumped into the Moore mobile and headed out of town into the Californian countryside. Before heading north we drove through the surrounding affluent neighbourhoods including Robin Williams’ mansion and via some of the beaches before then driving over the most famous San Fran monument of all; the Golden Gate Bridge.

We were heading out of town as we would be spending the night at Rachael’s parents in the sleepy wine country town of Kenwood. The drive took us through the greenest countryside, by mountainous land and Lucas Ranch, home of George Lucas (Star Wars and Indiana Jones). I would've loved to have knocked on the door but we had a date!

Looking out of the car window you could see why everybody was sold on the American dream and the land of the plenty and arriving at The Moore’s did nothing to dispel this. Their house was set amongst 2 acres of land and consisted of the main house, a separate guest cottage, ample gardens with hot tub, a field for the pet pygmy goats to graze and a ‘games’ area where you could partake in a spot of archery or knife throwing which Arancha picked up with far too much ease. If we get lost in the Amazon then she is our designated hunter gatherer.
We had a great time drinking around the open fire in the garden conversing with Brent, Diane (Rach’s parents) and Aunty Barb and when we were called in for dinner we were amazed to see the inside of the main house that we had yet to frequent. The house was split into two habitats, the dining area, seemingly homely and American in nature with some very comfy arm chairs and a grand piano whilst the ‘living room’ was a Japanese infused barn with high ceilings and wooden beams complete with indoor fish pond, fountain and hidden dart board – it was the dogs bollocks of a house.

Dinner was a touch of classic home cooking which we had so far been missing on our trip and was greatly appreciated.
We rose late the next morning and were treated a real American breakfast; homemade waffles and golden syrup. Over breakfast I sat enthralled as I chatted to Brent about his 2 month cycling trip across Japan in the 1970’s and listened to him talk about his many interests that keep him occupied during his retirement – such as week-long forays up into the Californian mountains to prospect for gold.
It was a gloriously sunny day so it wasn’t long before Brent said his goodbyes and disappeared for a ride on his custom built Harley Davidson – what a man!
Thanks Brent and Diane for the hospitality; this is your official invitation for us to repay the favour once we finally settle somewhere in the world.

We made our way back to San Francisco and spent an afternoon exploring the beaches and coastal cliff walks around the west of the city before attending the Legion of Honour Gallery, an exact replica of a building of the same name in Paris to view the various works of art on display.

For our last couple of days in the city we visited the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, probably one of the most enjoyable galleries that I have been to on account of it having a little bit of everything so you couldn’t get bored, we went to Alamo Square to see the Painted Ladies (a famous place to take a snapshot of the city) and we went back to Golden Gate Park so that we could see a missing icon from our American trip to date – the buffalo.
However, it was the hummingbirds hovering around and perching directly in front of us that were of more interest. Vibrant luminous colours, supersonic speed and only as big as my thumb – superb creatures.

We had spent a total of 8 days in the city of San Francisco and as far as I am concerned this city has it all. Downtown has that professional city feel to it but with the ocean just a 10 minute walk away, it is in sunny California, it has numerous neighbourhoods all with their individual thing going on, there is the cosmopolitan mix of people and it has numerous beaches and parkland. If it wasn’t for the fact that American’s only get 10 days annual leave per year and it is in gun toting America I would add it to the list of cities to live in.
A massive thanks to Rachael Moore for giving us a place to stay for a week even if it was on the floor!!

We boarded the plane with great anticipation of becoming rich beyond our wildest dreams as we were now headed to Las Vegas. Unfortunately this flight was pretty dull compared to the previous one but I kid you not, during check-in the employee took my passport and having viewed it declared that Leicester was one of his favourite places! Yes he was Indian but he lives in San Francisco!

We landed mid-morning but before we could even think about pumping those slot machines with quarters we had the small task of doing something much more rewarding – picking up a hire car and driving the 300 miles for a 2 day trip to one of the Bucket List items; the Grand Canyon.

Due to it being spring break and that it never even occurred to me until later we did not hire a classic convertible to drive to the GC but I was more than content with our Chevrolet especially as every radio station was belting out some old school classics. Seriously, what more do you want than driving along Route 66 with a view stretching for miles, actual real tumbleweeds crossing your path and The Eagles blaring out?
We pretty much blitzed the 5 hour drive to the GC but did manage a stop along the way for a chilli dog in a middle of nowhere diner where if they wanted to, you’d be dead and never found.

What to say about the Grand Canyon itself? Fortunately the past couple of years has left me in the very fortuitous position of having seen quite a few impressive natural sights but only standing at the top of Gokyo Peak looking out over Mt Everest and Himalaya can compare to this. The Grand Canyon is simply awesome, breath-taking and frankly quite emotional. The sheer scale of what stretches out in front of you cannot really be described, it just has to be seen to be believed. Seriously, it is 277 miles long, up to 18 miles wide and over 1 mile deep and all of this created over millions of years by the Colorado River. It is so vast that all perspective goes out of the window; there was an outcrop that to me didn’t seem too far but it was 15 miles away.

We arrived quite late in the day so after a quick look around the main observation point we made our way over to the prime spot to watch the sunset. Once again this was one of ‘those’ experiences where you look about yourself and know that you’ve got it pretty good. We were sat on the edge with our legs dangling over the side (just; as it was a little nervy) and watched the layered rocks change from a deep red, to orange and as the sun set on the day the last fingers of light seemed to bounce off the top of the land and stretch down into the canyon itself as the rock finally settled to a blue and purple colour. Even after the sun had set the sky exploded with a colourful show all of its own.

Completely knackered from a long day on travel we headed away from the GC to our accommodation for the evening – a proper motel on Route 66 – once again we could’ve easily vanished with no trace and that was what I wished had happened before I had to pay the bill for our evening meal that was only decent because the waitress was about ninety and it was funny watching her serve in wobbly slow motion.

The aim had been to watch the sun rise over the GC from another vantage point to the east but given that we were staying 60 miles from the entrance and sunrise was at approx. 6:45am we stayed in bed. We were still some of the first people there for that day and being relatively early we were not only treated to a quieter experience (ie. Americans are loud and say some dumb stuff such as when we saw a squirrel chasing a chipmunk one guy said to his son, “Look at that big chipmunk chasing the smaller one”, and an old lady pointed to the squirrel and asked AJ “What is that?”), we also got to see wild elk and a coyote.

Seeing the GC during the morning was completely different to late afternoon and you could probably spend weeks there and not get bored. The only regret that we did have upon leaving is that due to time constraints we were unable to partake in one of a number of treks where you venture right into the heart of the canyon itself and can rough it for a week or more – this needs to be done in some capacity before I die.

Being a couple of nosey parkers we had overheard somebody recommend the town of Sedona as a must see and it transpired that this place had been on AJ’s list of must-sees for nearly 20 years. Sedona’s main attraction is its array of red sandstone formations and these formed the backdrop to many a Western movie back in the day. Also a little further out you can still come into contact with indigenous people of the America’s and live with the natives in spiritual retreats. The surrounding environment of Sedona was worth the detour but the town itself was a tourist-ville complete with safaris in pink Jeeps!

Via the Hoover Dam (whatever) we now passed from the sublime in to the ridiculous – Las Vegas. What to say about LV? It is a funny old place but I cannot shake off my view of it being a larger than life Benidorm! I know that sounds ridiculous but you walk around the concrete jungle with the sun blazing down, music fills the streets from the numerous bars and majority of the younger and older adults are plastered and stumbling about with a beverage in their hands – but being America these drinks can be bought in yard long containers or a life size plastic guitar with straw. I am not saying that I didn’t enjoy my time here but 4 nights was more than enough.

We were staying at the Excalibur Hotel (the one that looks like a fairytale castle) but it was far from fantasy like. It was the cheap hotel and the clientele did not disappoint – think Walmart shoppers as opposed to Harrods – but we knew this would be the case so no dramas. We didn’t have time to ponder as to what to do first as we had pre-booked tickets to a Las Vegas show. No it wasn’t Celine Dion, Elton John, Boyz II Men or Matt Goss (yeah, from Bros); we wanted to do at least one thing properly in Vegas so we had bought tickets for the front row of Cirque Du Soleil, Ka.

Given that the theatre cost $165m to construct I was expecting something out of the ordinary and what a show it was. Simply put it was like watching a Chinese fantasy fight movie combined with the Street Fighter computer game and the Never Ending Story with a classic story of good vs evil to accompany it. The stage itself was able to move in both horizontally and vertically whilst at the same time completing 360 degrees and the production took you via castles, beaches, storms at sea and the arctic. Never before have I watched a complete fight scene with over 15 participants conducted vertically so that the audience member is watching it with a bird’s eye view and given that we were in the front row it felt at times that we were seriously close to getting a kick in the face as they flew overhead – a thoroughly brilliant show.

Over the next couple of days we contented ourselves with exploring the famous Las Vegas strip, frequenting all of the famous hotels just to look around at their opulence and of course dabbling here and there on the Roulette and Blackjack tables. The highlights are as follows:

• New York, New York Hotel - you view the skyline of NYC from the outside complete with Statue of Liberty whilst a rollercoaster shuttles around the outside and inside of the hotel
• Paris Hotel - Eiffel Tower and Arc De Triumph outside, a French street inside complete with restaurants and bakeries
• The Bellagio - the dancing fountains outside and we left here $5 up!! Yeah. 
• Caesars Palace - gigantic and a sight to behold
• The Mirage - pretty impressive Volcano eruption every evening on the hour
• The Venetian - inside it is always daytime and you can ride the Grand Canal of Venice in a gondola (indoors)

Each hotel is designed so that you never need to see the light of day; they are basically shopping malls that are open 24/7 and you can do everything from eat, drink, party and sleep in each one.

I would say that without a doubt my favourite part of Las Vegas was the Freemont Street Experience. Freemont St is located 30min bus ride from the Strip but it is well worth the journey. The street itself is entirely covered from one end to the other by a roof that doubles as the largest video screen in the world and on the hour it becomes a virtual music video as it belts out a 15 minute homage to a particular band - during our evening there we had Bon Jovi, Queen and The Doors. When it isn't the first quarter of every hour the street is full of live bands and people hanging around drinking, dancing an having a good time. It was great fun and as all walks of life could be found in this one place it was brilliant watching a lad in a bikini dance for money and circles form around various drug induced bums who were pulling off very impressive dance moves.

We were actually quite happy to be leaving Vegas but I think I would come back for a weekend to do it in style. Saying that, one place that we would not visit again would be the Bubba Gump Shrimp restaurant. This is not because of the food because it was really good but jumping on the Forrest Gump bandwagon it was a little annoying to be served our food and then whilst taking our first bites have the most enthusiastic waitress stand over us and reel off a Forrest Gump quiz. Just to feed Arancha's look of "Just f**k off" I successfully answered all but one of the questions correctly and encouraged her to ask more.

Next was Los Angeles and this was never on our list of places to visit but by a happy coincidence it just so happened that Arancha's sister Nadia would be stopping over for 17 hours on her way with 2 friends to her own South American adventure.
I don't really have much to say about LA. Yes it is home of the stars and the rich and I am sure life in Malibu and Beverly Hills is very sweet indeed but the city was humongous and a bitch to travel around and from the parts of it that we saw it is a dangerous shithole and to be honest I felt on edge at times.

We were staying on Sunset Boulevard and were literally 10 minutes away from the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I didn't realise that there are over 2,500 stars planted within the pavements and they cover quite a distance over a number of city blocks. We contented ourselves with walking over at least a few hundred and took time to have photos with the ones that count.We also explored the front of Grauman's Chinese Theatre - hands and footprints in the cement etc as well as taking photos of the Hollywood sign in the distance.

The next morning Arancha was reunited with her twin after a year apart, if only for a day and along with myself and Johnno (Nadia's travelling companion) we spent an excellent day of initial sightseeing that spiralled into drunken frivolity. First up was the Hollywood Walk of Fame which was briefly followed by a walk down Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. Things of note from Rodeo Drive was a parked Bugatti Veyron, approx retail price of £1m and Tim from the American Office walking by. Next we all headed over to Venice and if there is one area to enjoy in LA this would be it. Venice Beach has it all going on:

• A real freak show - which was being filmed for a tv show
• The beach minus The Hoff and Pammy
• The hippies - completely out there and stoned
• Muscle Beach - men in very tight trunks and leotards
• The basketball courts - hustling just like in White Men Can't Jump
• Various TV / films being filmed - we sat in a bar which was being used as part of a set and watched the filming. It starred John Stamos (AJ's era) and was directed by the guy who committed the murders in the original Scream movie.

Before we knew it day had turned into night and we were all a little tipsy. This was fine for myself and AJ but given that Nadia and Johnno had now been up for about 24 hrs I did not envy them. So what should we do? Head back to their hotel at the airport to meet up with the final part of their trio, the delayed Bec, who had been part of our own trio in Canada to have some dinner and drink some more?
How they 3 of them flew out to Peru that evening and got through security I will never know but I am glad they did because our hotel was poo and we stayed in their plush room for free - result.

The original plan had been to move onto San Diego before leaving the USA for Mexico via an overland trip to Tijuana but we decided that having spent out on the day before we should head straight in to Latin America so we booked the bus tickets and the hotel in Tijuana to leave the following morning. 5 minutes later we decided that this plan was crap so we scrapped the overland route for a flight directly into the beating heart of the capital, Mexico City and a baptism by Latin fire. Mexico is where I write to you from and is where we shall leave this post.

So the USA, country number 2 is done. Before I entered the US I didn't really have much good to say about the country but my 4 weeks there have changed my opinions. Yes it still has more than its fair share of f*cked up individuals, some complete morons and far, far too many needy left on the streets to fend for themselves but overall it was a positive experience, we met some really nice people and saw some really 'swell' things. Plus, what can't you love about a country that allows you to order a 12 egg omelette or answer questions about the Forrest Gump movie whilst eating Bubba Gump shrimp?

It is always difficult to summarise my time in a country so the only way to do it justice is with a condensed clip of our time here. God Bless America!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln_w4ob45xc


 

Seattle minus the insomnia (and Portland too)

Happy springtime one and all.
Life is pretty sweet at the moment (as always when you are travelling and not working) and this post comes from the very spring like San Francisco and to be exact the front room with a view of my good friend Miss Rachael Moore - who I am now spending time with in my sixth country after meeting on the night train from Mumbai to Goa back in Nov 2010.

We have now been in the USA for 10 days and I like this country a lot - a big surprise for me and for those of you who know me best although immigration had nothing to do with my positive experiences to date.
We took the overland route into the US on the Greyhound from Vancouver and before we could even attempt to pass through immigration we were kept waiting for an hour on the bus because it was lunch time; therefore no staff present to process us! I expect that sort of deal in India or Thailand but not this sort of tardiness from the world superpower.
When we did finally disembark we found ourselves near to the front of the queue - but the bus was left waiting for us by the end of the process.
From the outset I got the feeling that the immigration officer wasn't completely on my side - which I know is part of their job but I think the whole 9/11 thing still bears far too much precedent to proceedings and "9/11" did come into our dialogue.
An example of how the exchange took place is as follows:
Immigration: "How long are you staying in the USA"
Me: "3 to 4 weeks"
Imm: Do you have a job to fund your stay?"
Me: "No, I quit to travel"
Imm: "Well, how are you funding this trip then?"
Me: "I worked to pay for it"
Imm: "You said you didn't have a job"
Me: "I don't, I worked to save up to travel and then I quit"

Each one of my answers seemed to result in more questions and me heading further towards being denied entry and I really began to get worried once Arancha and my immigration officers got together to confer. At one point Arancha's asked the other if he was going to let me in; his response was "Hmm, I haven't decided yet".
Eventually he did back down and agreed to let us in but only after giving me earache about backpackers not usually being allowed access as they were a security risk and more than likely going to go AWOL in the US and try to stay as illegal aliens unlike Sting.
It's all good fun!!

By late afternoon we had arrived into our first American city, Seattle. We had already sorted out some accommodation but upon our approach to the city centre we reviewed our choice and decided that it was too far out of the downtown area so we needed to rethink.
So with that in mind we literally got off the bus, headed into the nearest Starbucks, got online and found a deal on Hotwire.com. For an extra $10 a night we managed to bag ourselves a room including its own siting room in a lovely boutique hotel next to the infamous Seattle Space Needle.
All that was left to do that day was to eat and fortunately our hotel was located in a great area of bars and restaurants.
I can't say that I ever thought that I would have a Mexican enchilada smothered in chocolate chilli sauce but let me tell you; it's a winner.

We headed downtown the next morning to see the sights and our first impression of Seattle was of the sheer number of homeless and drug fuelled bums that littered the streets. We have since seen that this is a nation wide problem with the States. Now I have seen real poverty and on a wide scale in parts of Asia but never have I seen such numbers of complete loony tune individuals that really need some help and support on the streets of the country that promotes itself as the land of the reachable dream and saviour of everybody else.
When I say these people were mentalists I clarify this statement by saying that we saw people in full on conversations with themselves, a woman in her seventies doing a drug deal with a girl in her twenties at the bus stop and a guy prancing around in front of a reflective window with his trousers pulled down so he could watch his arse jiggle about - there were office workers behind this reflective glass.
But I digress. So the first touristy thing that we did was to visit the Pike Street Public Market - home to the infamous Pike St fish throwers and the world's first Starbucks Coffee. To say that Seattle is proud of their Starbucks is an understatement; try 1 store on every block corner for size.
As for the fish throwers the deal is that once a punter purchases a fish the fishmongers throw the said fish across the stall to the pleasure of the snap happy tourists (us).

Part of the excitement of venturing into the States was for the food and to date it has not been a disappointment. Venturing into one supermarket I have never seen food displayed in such an attractive and simply mouth watering way plus the sheer volume and variety of goods on offer combined with the fact that the price of living in the US is stupidly low and it all tastes so f*cking good I can understand why obesity is a problem.

Our own reasons for exploring the subject of food were to partake in a Man vs Food challenge along the way, or at least dine at the establishments features in that particular city's episode.
For those of you who do not know what I am talking about, Man vs Food is a tv programme where the name pretty much tells you all you need to know. In each episode the presenter will take you around the legendary eateries of a particular American city / town with an eating challenge of mass proportions being the culmination.
By the way the presenter is a Spurs fan and he was featured in a pre match video at the ground taking a stadium tour and breaking down into tears when he saw the pitch - crazy Americans!

The great thing about technology these days is that you can Google Map Man vs Food restaurants in your chosen city and it will all be there for you in an instant. The internet was invented purely for this reason.
Man vs Food restaurant number 1 of the American west coast tour was The Crab Pot - a restaurant famous for its Sea Feasts - a tub full of sea food steamed to perfection and then literally poured out over the table. The diners are given a  bib to eat their feast with.
Unfortunately I am not the biggest seafood fan so we didn't partake in the signature dish, plus it wasn't exactly in the backpacker price range but we still devoured an entire Dungeness Crab and Calamari and were able to tick off the first restaurant.

We felt as though we had let ourselves down a little by not having the Sea Feast so the next day we ensured that we did the M vs F properly.
Man vs Food restaurant number 2 was Beth's Café; a greasy spoon located a good 30 mins north of the city (we are dedicated to the cause) and known for its 12 egg omelettes.
I can assure you that attempting to finish a 12 egg omelette accompanied with a bed of all you can eat hash browns and 4 slices of toast is no mean feat; and we shared it! We decided to have American cheese, ham and jalapenos as our filling and whilst we waited we were given crayons and paper to draw pictures with to add to the rest that decorated the walls.
We were a little taken aback when the omelette was placed before us; it was massive. I expected shredded ham like something back home but this bad boy contained sliced up ham chunks from a sausage - it was a beast!
We got our heads down and ate - I reckon I got through 7.5 eggs and Arancha the remaining 4.5 - too much. We ate at approx.11pm and I could only manage a small meal by 9pm - it stuffed me.
Tick number 2.

For our final day in Seattle we just bummed about in our glorious room which I forgot to mention had a rocking chair! As the sun set on the day we noticed that the light was the best it had been since we had arrived so we rushed out and climbed to the top of the hill next to which we were located. From there we had the perfect view of a) the sun setting behind the Rocky Mountains to west and b) the last of the failing light spreading across the skyline of Seattle; a skyline that was so stereotypically American - huge glass skyscrapers bunched together with the Seattle Space Needle in the foreground looking every part of its 51 years but lit in a way that perfectly gave off that shiny metallic futuristic look that was synonymous of the exciting pictures you would associate with the USA back in the sixties.

Our next port of call was Portland, The Rose City. The Greyhound would again be our chariot but this time we had Van the bus driver (how ironic). Van introduced himself to us all with a southern drawl (think male Dolly Parton) and delivered all sorts of amusing ditties in between losing his line of thought and having the odd word with a passing driver or himself.
I have never known the use of cannabis to be as prevalent as it is here in North America (US and Canada) and it is in fact legal in the state of Washington (Seattle) for medical use. I think a few people on our bus must've had had bad backs because you could certainly smell it and this did not pass Van by. As we approached a service station he came onto the tannoy to announce that there would be a small window of opportunity to gets some food and "For all of you who have the munchies and I think there are a few of you this is the place to get your burgers, fries and cherry pies".
It sounded so American, we loved it.

We arrived into Portland just after midday and I doubt I have yet to come across a city that is so easy to navigate around. The city itself is split into 4 quadrants which are unofficially Downtown, University, The Young Hipster and The Edgy Indie sections. The bus arrived into Downtown and it was simply a case of jumping onto the electric tram which passed through the entire length of downtown and dropped us into the university area in a mere 15 minutes.
We ventured out to explore the city and immediately felt at ease in a city that emanates a complete openness and relaxed vibe. There were all sorts of life congregated together on the streets milling around the street markets and enjoying the festivities of the complete over the top St Patrick's Day celebrations. The architecture of the city was a perfectly combined mix of old historical builds meets new modern shiny structures and the old town where the major drinking takes place was probably more full of edgy young alternative types as opposed to image conscious twenty-somethings; being both in my thirties and scruffy, I was at home in the crowd.
The north-west of the US is also birthplace to a lot of good music (depending on your taste) with such names as Nirvana, Foo Fighters and Jimi Hendrix hailing from Seattle and that influence had spread south into the state of Oregon and the city of Portland.

As mentioned, it was St Pat's weekend and the town was awash with green and live music. There is not much more to tell of this day except that we enjoyed the live music and Irish dancing and found a pub that sold a pint of Guinness and Gin & Tonic for $6 (£4) and had pub game classics such as PacMan and wooden bowls for 25 cents (17p)!

The Sunday was spent doing the sights of which there weren't that many - Portland is really more of a 'take it easy and just chill' type of place as this list testifies:
1) Powell's City of Books - the world's largest book store covering an entire city block and storing over 1 million titles
2) Lunch from one of the many street vendors - every type of cuisine, cheap and scrumptious (yes I did just type scrumptious)
3) Portland Central Library - the building itself felt very palatial with high ceilings, spiral staircases, chandeliers and oil paintings and just to top it off there was a live recital from an orchestral quartet which was simply delightful, oh yes
4) Checking out the rest of the city such as the Courthouse and Federal Bank

Our final day though was the day that counted - Man vs Food Restaurant number 3.
We had attempted to visit Voodoo Doughnuts on both the Saturday and Sunday but the queue to get in honestly stretched around the block. I cannot imagine what this gaff is taking in considering that the place is open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
Even at 11am on a Monday morning when the population of Portland should be at work or school there was still a queue but it was doable.
Voodoo Doughnuts is a fat persons nirvana and a chunky person's wet dream - a choice of 60 different doughnuts all on display in revolving glass cases and each one less than $2 each.

Now it would be unfair of us just to taste 1 or 2 because then we wouldn't be able to give you a fair opinion of the joint so we took the calorie hit and ordered 6; they were:
1) Portland Cream
Raised yeast doughnut filled with Bavarian cream. Topped with chocolate and two eyeballs, representing the vision of our great city
2) Triple chocolate penetration
Chocolate cake doughnut with chocolate frosting and coco-puffs
3) Marshall Matters
Plain cake doughnut with vanilla frosting and mini M & M's
4) Tangfastic
Plain cake doughnut with vanilla frosting, tang and three marshmallows
5) Voodoo Doll 
Raised yeast doughnut filled with raspberry jelly topped with chocolate frosting and a pretzel stake
6) Bacon Maple Bar 
Raised yeast doughnut with maple frosting and bacon on top

Now I can tell you that they were all good but the Bacon Maple Bar was a revelation, the salty bacon mixed with the sweet doughnut was perfect.
No matter how hard we tried we couldn't make all 6 disappear in one sitting so we were able to take the doughnuts away in the signature pink voodoo box that declares "All good things come in pink boxes". Amen brother Voodoo!!
The rest of the day was idled away looking around the artistic quarter and observing statues of Abe Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt whose nickname unbeknown to me was Rough Rider - hello sailor!

I hadn't realised until I had updated my FB status that we were in Portland that a travel friend of mine who I had met in a bar in southern India and had spent a couple of days with actually lived in Portland so it was a very pleasant and welcome surprise that she had made contact and we had arranged to meet that evening.
We met in a downtown bar and then via a great move on Alicia's part to whisk us over to the other side of the river to a diner specialising in chicken wings we spent a great evening catching up on travel stories as well as learning more about the city and country that we were sat in.
Alicia, as iterated at the time, once we finally settle in a chosen country you are cordially invited to stay with us!

And with that meeting with travel buddy number 2 we reached an end to our time in Portland and the US North West. Now it was time for the sexy stuff - San Francisco, Las Vegas and Los Angeles but that will have to wait until the next post.
I think the next post will be worth reading based upon my time so far in San Fran and only if you read it for our flight there and being in the middle of an enthusiastic American crowd with nowhere to escape to.

Canada; gone but not forgotten

Howdy partners, I am now in the US of A writing from the very rainy city of Seattle.

Country number 1 has come and gone and it passed me by in a blur of snow and maple syrup.

So let's recap on the final few weeks of our time in Canada.
It goes without saying that there were more days spent on the slopes testing ourselves amongst the moguls and the jumps and for those of you who haven't yet seen our fabulous success with those aforementioned snow skills then click on the link below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8vd04U-3Y0

We were now at the weekend of Feb 16th and this was a Canadian public holiday meaning 'Family Weekend' in Banff ie. shitloads of tourists and snotty nosed kids getting in the way. Fortunately for us there was not one available hotel, B&B or hostel room in the whole town so we were forced to relocate to nearby Canmore for the Saturday night. It had been quite a while since I had been on a decent Leo Sayer (all dayer) so for me Canmore would be the perfect opportunity to get on it. After a short 20min bus ride between towns, checking into our hostel and then a wasted hour whilst AJ looked around the shops we hit our first pub of the day at about 3pm.
The bar was full of interesting locals, some of which made themselves known to us such as an ex-pat from the UK who had been living here for some 30 years and no longer keeps in contact with his family because "why should I visit them in the UK if they can't be bothered to come and visit me?" Once he had downed yet another beer off he went to his night job at the liquor store! Hmm, I reckon some of the stock may disappear from time to time.

In the early evening we slid from our bar stools and made our way down to the Drake Inn and this is where the real characters were to be found.
We were quite content to sit there and people watch but it turned out that we had been the ones under the microscope. A young twenty-something girl approached us from behind and declared that she thought we were such a cute couple and that is was great. As I turned to face her she looked a little perplexed and it soon became apparent that yes, she thought we were a cute couple, but a cute lesbian couple. Obviously we found this funny and it has not been the first time that I have been mistaken for a girl because of the hair but I am now thinking that maybe I should trim the locks as according to someone else in the Drake Inn it wasn't surprising that I was mistaken for a girl as I did have a very unique look! Still not sure if that was an insult.

It turned out that this young girl was herself a lezza and she introduced us to her ex, a fifty-something real estate millionaire who even though had been dumped by the pretty young girl still insisted on being around to 'look after' her once she had had too much to drink. Hmmmm, sounds like date rape without the drugs.
Later on that evening a complete random stumbled over to Arancha who was sitting on a bar stool and she plonked her ample handbag onto AJ's lap and asked her to hold it whilst she sorted through it. This woman was completely bonkers and ranged from touching and stroking Arancha's face to showing us photos of her boyfriend's arse and photos of her sons in a stoned state who she had been to jail for, but was so very proud of them! WTF.

We awoke on Sunday morning to the perfect winter scene and the snow did not stop falling for the entire day but as it was still public holiday we would need to wait until the Tuesday to enjoy the freshly fallen powder.
When we did get back to the slopes it was a nice to change to find ourselves on the yet to be explored Norquay mountain. The conditions were not the best as there had been limited snowfall on this side of the valley which meant that we were in for an icy time on the lower slopes leaving us with no alternative but to finally test ourselves on double black diamond runs - those allotted for experts.
Standing at the top of these slopes and looking down unable to see the bottom because they seemed to bend over themselves is very daunting especially as you have to carve a path down through moguls that are 2 to 3 feet tall but carve our way down we did and with some relief when we finally arrived at the base of the mountain. There was a real sense of achievement once we had completed the once untouchable double diamond run knowing that there was no longer any part of any ski mountain that we could not attempt (apart from those hardcore runs where personal avalanche alarms are required), so we spent the afternoon doing the same runs with each one becoming that little bit easier

For the rest of that week we continued to push the boundaries of our snow capabilities as we tackled numerous parts of the mountain that we didn't believe possible at first, many of which were practically uninhabited because the majority chose to ski / board the standard runs. To me it felt as though we were now really skiing and having daily adventures that would long live in the traveling memory. The only problem with launching yourself down a slope that feels vertical in its tangent or weaving in and out of tall and sturdy pine trees whilst on a 70 degree downhill is that the percentage of time spent on your back, arse or sprawled out on your front is increased dramatically, none more so than when I lost it on an ungraded slope and began to slide uncontrollably and headfirst down the mountain towards a worried looking Arancha who was perched on the edge of the precipice (not quite but it felt like it). Somehow I did manage to come to a stop and then completely knackered myself by scrambling back up to collect a ski that was left behind.
Fun though!

We were back around to Saturday and that meant 2 days off the slopes away from the weekend crowds.
After a lazy morning we took a gentle stroll out of the town to the Banff Springs Hotel, a sister hotel to the Chateau Lake Louise mentioned in a previous post. Basically it was the dog's ball-bags of a hotel with a view across the mountains and wilderness to match.
A superb fish and chip lunch was followed up by a few drinks and a some pool back in Banff. The resulting tipsiness led to Arancha making a 10pm Canadian time call to her sister in Australia (4pm the next day local time) and singing Lionel Richie's "Hello, is it me you're looking for..." as the receiver was picked up.
We had no idea who the groggy sounding guy was on the other end of the line but it seems that AJ entered the UK dialling code and not the Australian one. Result: AJ drunkenly singing to a random bloke at 5am UK time, and it was a Sunday morning. Poor man.

The following Wednesday was Arancha's birthday. I won't say how she was but I can say that she is getting on!
We celebrated by not taking a packed lunch up onto the mountain! Woo hoo.
We continued the celebrations by not having a Lean Cuisine microwavable meal for dinner. F*ck yeah!
Instead I took her out for dinner to the Grizzly Fondue Restaurant and we indulged ourselves in a 4 course meal and a bottle of wine. It's weird, when you are working you take eating out for granted but it is strange how quickly it all changes once you are a bum. This was a real treat for us and for that reason we probably enjoyed it all the more.
Course 1 - salad, who cares
Course 2 - cheese fondue with fresh garlic and bread
Course 3 - I had the 'Hunter' fondue - Venison, Buffalo and Wild Boar
                 AJ had the seafood fondue - Lobster, Prawn and Scallops
As always we shared our food so that we got to try it all
Course 4 - chocolate fondue with fresh fruit for dipping

All in all a great meal and it was topped off by 2 mini birthday cheesecakes and candles back in the hotel room. Before you think that we are pigs we ate the cakes the following day!

Friday March 1st was our last ski day in Banff after 6 great weeks but it was now definitely time for us to move on; we were becoming stagnant.
Our last day on the slopes was such good fun. The snow was falling like I have never seen before which meant bad visibility so we were forced to spend our day cutting and carving in and out of a brilliant tree route.
It snowed so heavily that day that 41cm fell over a 24 hour period. Trust that to be our last day so that we couldn't reap the benefits of such a snow dump!

Our final day in Banff was just an exercise in time wasting before we boarded the 8:30pm Greyhound journey from hell - a completely full 14 hour drive throughout the night to Vancouver. We of course had the seats with the limited leg room, even for 5 footers like ourselves and I reckon I got between 3 - 4 hours of broken sleep; which in the grand scheme of things isn't all that bad when you don't exactly have to get up for work any time soon.

We arrived mid morning and fortunately the hostel was only a 5 min walk from the station; unfortunately it was a complete shithole but it would have to do.
We moseyed around the city all day and I have to say that on first impressions Vancouver has it all. The city itself has a real look and feel of Melbourne combined with Hong Kong (due to its harbour but of course without the balmy climate), it is based over numerous pockets of land with the Pacific Ocean gently lapping up against the numerous beaches, national parklands and harbours with the all important Rocky Mountains up close and personal to the north and east of the city providing great ski access.

We stood around watching the sea planes coming into and out of the harbour and visited Gastown, the founding area of Vancouver. We had already noted that Canada's homeless population seemed to be here in this one city, and that is not surprising when you consider that Vancouver is one of the country's most temperate cities during the harsh winters; however we did not plan on walking into the middle of what seemed to be a homeless only market. They were literally haggling for a dollar over this piece of shit or that piece of tat and I have no idea where they get it from but they all seemed to be wasted on a number of substances.
I don't know why I found it so funny but I heard one guy asked how he was and in one sentence he replied; "..don't know, erm good, er, not bad." Clearly covering all the bases!
The only other thing worth mentioning about that day was walking around the Chinese garden and a bird dropping a large piece of soggy bread into my hair which got all tangled - yuk.

This particular visit to Vancouver was only a stop over and the next morning we boarded yet another Greyhound bus and made our way to the infamous ski destination of Whistler Village. If the drive from Banff to Jasper is one of the top 5 in the world then the drive from Vancouver to Whistler must also be in the top 5 or least the top 10. The coastal road along the Pacific Ocean dotted with pine covered islands with the snowy Rocky mountains rising up in the distance was spectacular.
We only got around to booking our accommodation in Whistler 5 minutes before we boarded the bus and it worked out perfectly for us. For 4 nights we stayed in the woods in a Yurt, a portable, bent wood-framed dwelling structure traditionally used by nomads in the steppes of Central Asia. Essentially it looked like a circular tepee with the added bonus of a perspex roof top allowing views of the nightly skies. Now a tent in the snowy woods does not sound like the best way to spend a few days but it was pure luxury as far as we were concerned. There was ample heating, a sofa, dining table and the most comfortable bed to date. Also due to its location it is quite common in the summer months to share the path with brown and black bears which would be a sight to behold.

Whistler itself is a snow sports lover's heaven, so much so that you can ski down the mountain for 2,000 metres and literally step off of the snow straight onto the village high street. The village is very alpine European in style and has that same feel to it as a ski town in Austria - especially when it comes to the après ski!
Whistler was also the location for some of the 2010 Winter Olympic Games and based on what we saw I can only imagine what the atmosphere would've been like during that time.

For the next 2 days we enjoyed the delights of the twin mountains. Day 1 was spent on Blackcomb Mountain and the sheer depth of snow made it very difficult for me to get down with any grace. A sign of how confident we were now getting was that for our very first run on an unfamiliar mountain we got off at the very top and then hiked up a little further so that we could ski the Blackcomb Glacier and then 10.5km back down to the start - what a run!!
The next day we explored Whistler Mountain but only after we took the world record breaking Peak2Peak cable car that links the 2 mountains and anybody with a fear of heights would not enjoy this ride.
Whistler Mountain had some of the best tree runs that I have ever been on but it was also a pleasure to ski the Olympic run from peak to base.

Whilst in Whistler we also had the seriously good fortune to stumble right into the path of the first moose to be spotted in the village in a number of years; an impressively large beast.

Before we knew it our ski time had officially come to an end and we were back in Vancouver for a final few days in Canada.
There was so much to do in Vancouver that we were spoilt for choice but we did as follows:

• Day 1 - walk over to the public market on the arty Granville Island - there we had possibly the best fish and chips ever, watched a seal frolic in the harbour and bought some fresh produce so that we could finally have some healthy dinners. From there we took a gentle 2 hour walk back home along the waters edge in the setting early spring sun
• Day 2 - we hired bicycles and rode around the perimeter of Stanley Park, situated to the NW of the city centre looking out over the Pacific Ocean before cycling through the interior to explore the rainforests within. We also explored Beaver Lake but unfortunately the actual beavers were sleeping the day away in the huge lodge situated in the middle of the lake. Still, the local turtles were visible basking in the afternoon sun as well as a number of eagles circling high above us 
• Day 3 - we met up with a Canadian friend, Francoise whom I had met when I was in Nepal in Dec 2010. She was someone that I met on my first trek in the Himalayas and who I travelled around the Chitwan National Park with to hunt (purely to view) rhino's. It was really nice to catch up with someone that I had met in another time and place in another completely random location

I must also mention one particular guy who was staying with us at our hostel. For those of you who read my blog from my previous worldly trip and my time at Mt Everest will recall a chance meeting with an inspirational guy who was determined to become the first cyclist to make it to the top of said mountain.
Well Demche, a Macedonian born Canadian could have ben his older brother. This 'mature' traveller was just ending his 6 month cycling trip that took him through the mountains of Pakistan, through western and central China, across to Hawaii where he spent among other things 45 days camping on the side of a mountain because he could and then finally around western Canada. This guy had some real stories to tell, such as sliding uncontrollably down a glacier to certain death before he remembered to spread his body out to control and stop his slide before slowly but surely edging along to the safety of some more rigid rocks. As far as I am concerned he should be writing the blog and it is always good to see that no matter what age you are you can keep doing it!

And there we are, just 4 days short of 2 months in Canada was at an end. I managed to complete 26 days of skiing, skied in 5 different locations, saw glaciers, ice fields, walked through an ice canyon, saw coyotes, elk, moose and Muse in concert but what I didn't get to see was the northern lights, any species of bear or wolf or a bleeding maple leaf - so I guess I will have to come back.
Canada is country that has it all for lovers of the outdoors and nature at its most raw and beautiful and we only saw the south western quarter of the world's second largest country. There is so much left to explore but it must wait for the foreseeable future as we are heading south and south some more!

I will leave you with some final footage of our time in the snow although it isn't quite as entertaining as the one above, laters:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMH86vLJJuY&feature=youtu.be





 

Waterslides to the rescue

Just a quick update on recent activities from Canada which will hopefully relieve me from having to write essay long posts from now on.

All in all we haven't really been up to a lot and I do not anticipate that I will have an awful lot to share with you all over my remaining month in this country. Don't get me wrong, we are having a great time but there is only so much that I can tell you about our days skiing / snowboarding.

We are now back in our base of Banff after a week long escapade through 3 different Canadian cities.
First was a one night trip to Calgary to see Muse at the city's ice hockey stadium. We decided to stay in the Calgary YHA and I have to say that as a hostel it was one of the best that I have been to, in part because of the ability to make your own pancakes for brekkie. As for the shared dorm it wasn't the best, full of blokes, one who got up and went to work at 4am, one who wore an all in one long-john set akin to a baby grow without any underwear so you could see his penis protruding out of the front and another guy who saw that the room was full and kept repeating the same sentence of "it is going to be interesting in the morning when we all try to get ready" to nobody in particular.

As for the gig itself it was a little so so. Muse were excellent as they always are but you also need the crowd to create that electric atmosphere which they did in London at the O2 but in this case it didn't happen. Seriously, how can you go to a rock concert and sit in your seat throughout the entire thing? Fortunately the stadium wasn't full so we were able to pick and choose where we fancied sitting in order to get the best view possible as well as our own space.
In my humble opinion I would say part of the problem was that the bars closed at 9pm!! The gig only started at 8:15pm and went on until 10:30pm. I f*cking hate the fun police and nanny states.

Tuesday 5th Feb saw us head 3.5 hours north to the city of Edmonton and we were once again reminded of how bloody nice Canadians actually are. We were staying at another YHA located a few blocks south of the city centre and the only way to get there would be on the local bus. We had no change and only large notes but the bus driver told us that this would not be an issue and the ride was on him. For the rest of the journey he chatted to (up) Arancha and gave her all of the local intel that we would need for our stay.
This would not be our only gesture of good will from a Canadian bus driver and we were to receive a discounted ride upon our return to the city just a few days later with a "Welcome to Canada and enjoy your stay!"
In the end I purposely got onto the bus with only notes so that we make a saving - the backpacker way.
You would never get this sort of generosity or simple personable service in the UK - they are all miserable moaning b*stards.

Edmonton was to be another one night stop over and we used the free evening to go to the cinema to finally see 'The Life of Pi'.
With the life sized superhero statues adorning the entire place the actual cinema itself was one of the best that I have been to but this isn't surprising when you consider its location, the West Edmonton Mall. The WEM was once the proud owner of the claim to being largest mall in the world and I have never seen a place like it. Now I hate shopping but this gaff had it all:

• The standard shops and food halls
• The multiplex cinema
• A comedy club and nightclub
• An aquarium complete with twice daily sea lion shows (a bit wrong that they live indoors 24/7 but at least the dolphins are no longer there!)
• Galaxyland - the world's largest indoor amusement park
• An ice rink
• Mini golf
• Ropes quest - a multi levelled assault course although on the website it really looks like it says 'Rapes quest' which would send this mall into another stratosphere
• World Waterpark - the world's largest indoor waterpark (more on this particular one later)
• The Santa Maria - an exact replica of Christopher Columbus' ship that he discovered the Americas in!
• and a hotel because one day is clearly not enough

Remember, this is all indoors inside a mall. What a place!

Wednesday through to Friday was a trip to Fort McMurray, a town in the middle of nowhere, 5 hours north of Edmonton and supposedly the location of where I would be declared the best birthday present buyer in the world.
It is Arancha's birthday later this month and my reason for taking her to Fort Mc was that this town is one of the prime locations in Canada to view the Northern Lights / Aurora Borealis.
We travelled up to Fort Mc on possibly the best coach ever invented. Large leather seats with ample leg room (because we both need it), a fridge serving free beverages (hot and cold) and TV's showing movies for the duration of the journey.

As this was to be my present for AJ I had the foresight to pre-book a proper hotel whilst I was still working in London for our 2 night stay as I didn't think that a hostel would cut it. I also didn't just book any old room, I booked the Honeymoon Suite, hot tub and all!
The room was huge, a king size bed, a lounge area, a massive bathroom holding a shower / steam room and of course the said hot tub.
Unfortunately, the unveiling of the room to AJ was the highlight of this particular trip (tied equally with the snowball fight that we had and Arancha slipped on the ice and fell into the road). For 2 straight days all we experienced was a combination of snow showers or thick cloudy grey skies. To say that I was gutted was an understatement, yes the room was great and the Port and wine that we bought flowed effortlessly down our throats but we were here to see the northern lights and on this front we had drawn a big fat blank.
You can't imagine how frustrating it is to dream that you are looking up in awe at the lights and then wake from the dream to rush over to the window to see if the skies have cleared. This happened on an hourly basis!
I am now also left with a bit of a conundrum - do I now have to buy AJ something else for her b'day as this gift didn't exactly deliver? .

As if this wasn't all disappointing enough we awoke on the final morning to find that part of the bathroom ceiling in the supposed premier room of the hotel had caved in overnight leaving the sink and floor covered in debris.
Now I am not a person that likes to make a fuss and complain about things (yeah right, blame my mum) but given that my trip here had been a somewhat frustrating time I was quite happy to head to front desk to express my displeasure at such an event.
We were told to go to breakfast and that it would be 'sorted' by the time that we returned.
An offer of a 25% reduction to the final night's bill was the solution and with one quick look at the receipt I shook on this and happily trotted off.
Instead of applying a 25% reduction what they had actually done was take the full 2 day bill (restaurant food and drinks), calculate 25% of this and present that as the final amount to pay. Excellent, a 75% reduction on the entire bill.

With heavy hearts we left Fort McMurray on the Friday and yes it was a glorious sunny day. Seriously, what have I done to send my karma so off kilter?
Fort McMurray is quite a wealthy town due to its locality to the Canadian oil fields. Whilst waiting for the coach to arrive I stood outside in the relative warmth and couldn't help but overhear a roughneck from the oil fields having a quite heated phone conversation. The reason that I mention this is that this is the first time that I have heard a line from a nursery rhyme incorporated into a rant such as this:
"He is a f*cking ........., I sang a song of sixpence to cover his ass...."

It got me thinking about other rhymes that you could incorporate into the mix when having a go:

• "Yeah Jimmy Savile, the paedo, like Georgie Porgie he kissed the girls and made them cry"
• "Yeah Jimmy Savile was like the old woman who lived in a shoe, he had so many children he didn't know what to do"

You get the idea.

We returned to Edmonton for a couple of nights as we had some very important unfinished business to attend to before eventually heading back to Banff and the skiing.
The business I refer to is stripping off into my speedos and hitting the world's largest indoor waterpark. What better way to get over the disappointment of the Northern darkness?

It was immense. Below is the description of some of the entertainment on offer:

This tropical paradise boasts the world's largest indoor wave pool and tallest indoor permanent bungee tower, as well as more than 17 unique waterslides and play features.
World Waterpark’s three new thrill slides feature an electronic launch system. Sliders step into a glass capsule and the floor drops from beneath them, sending them on their journey.
Cyclone, the first waterslide of its kind in Canada offers both the unexpected drop plus a vertical loop. After the floor releases from beneath them, a slider plummets 17 metres straight down, as fast as 60 km / h, before arching upward into a near-vertical loop and blazing out into a splashdown lane.
The two Sky Screamer Extreme slides both have the electronic launch system, but one of the slides is enclosed from start to finish while the other is open. Standing above the park at 23.47 metres, the Sky Screamer Extreme slides are built for speed and can carry sliders as fast as 60 km / h.

I can tell you now that as you are stood inside the capsule trying to look calm and collected in front of everybody and the countdown begins "3...2....1..." and then before you know it the floor has dropped away and your sphincter is in your mouth as you rush downwards not knowing where you are and shouting out every expletive you can muster amongst the scream was brilliant and as soon as we had reached the bottom, gotten over the sting of the water on our quickly reddening skin we were climbing the steps back up to the summit.
In my opinion, simply the perfect way to spend a Saturday evening. (if you aren't up for a drink that is)

And that was that.
After a week away from the slopes it is nice to be back given that in just over 2.5 weeks we will be leaving here for good and heading west. The snow is good and we have now moved onto building jumps in the more desolate areas of the mountains where you can possibly avoid people for the entire day. The thing about these areas is that the snow can also be 3 - 4 feet deep so there is a lot of cushioning for many bad landings. The only risk is of losing AJ completely in such high snow drifts.
My 2 jumps today were as follows:

1. Made the jump, got the air, landed skis pointed down, lost one ski and did a forward roll with the other still attached - the result; a slight winding and headache
2. Made the jump, got the air, landed on my front with my momentum allowing the legs and skis to attempt to pierce the back of my head in a sort of scorpion like manoeuvre - the result; a crack in the back but not unwelcome

Arancha's 2 jumps:

1. Made the jump, got the air, landed snowboard pointing down and stacked it - the result; a face full of snow
2. Lost track of the jump in the near white out conditions so slowed down so much that she slid up the ramp and slid down the other side - result; no respect from me!

The snow is continuing to fall so hopefully tomorrow's jumps will result in some decent YouTube footage as we didn't get today's shambles. However, we did capture my first attempt on this jump yesterday when I made some air (minimal) to then overshoot the landing and end up on my side submerged in a ditch.
Don't worry, this will be edited into the final cut.

Finally, I had my first taste of a Canadian born dish called Poutine yesterday. Basically, it is chips with gravy and cheese curds - nothing that new there but it is proper winter food and just what you need after a day on your arse trying to unsuccessfully land jumps.

Well that is all for now, I will be back in a few weeks once when all of the snow based debacles will be over and we will be on the verge of heading to country number 2; the USA.







  

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes….

What a pleasure it is to announce the resurrection of the blog meaning that once again I am back on the road.
I am currently sat in the Canadian ski town of Banff, located in the province of Alberta on the east side of the Rocky Mountains and today is a relatively mild -3 degrees.
So let’s get up to date shall we?

It already seems such a long time ago since I was in the UK let alone updating you on my activities as far back as November but let’s just run through it as quickly as possible with a few key highlights.

Paris: a wonderful weekend spent in the ‘capital of love’ although we were slightly removed from that sentiment being located in the red light district of Pigalle, but that’s how we roll!
We arrived on a wet and cold Friday evening at 11pm so there seemed little else to do but pop in to a local licensed café and sample the local vin rouge. My French may not be good but even a little secondary school level French goes a long way in Paris, especially for an Englishman, so we were always greeted with smiles and politeness.
Saturday was a proper tourist day:

- Place de la Concorde
- Musee du Louvre – to view some of the most world’s famous pieces of art, most of which were better than the Mona Lisa

- Notre Dame
- Eiffel Tower

- Arc De Triomphe – the views of Paris from the top were non-existent as the heavens opened and we were soaked

We certainly packed it all in before we got ourselves ready for our evening treat of a 3 course dinner riverboat cruise down the Seine River to view all of those sights again by night but from the luxury of a seat.

We were due to fly out late Sunday afternoon which gave us time to idly meander around Monmatre and the artists square, probably my favourite area in Paris.

The following weekend came around quickly enough and we were now in Toledo, a former capital of the Spanish Empire located 70km south of Madrid and a UNESCO World Heritage site. (I do love a UNESCO site!)

As far as I am concerned everybody should spend a weekend walking along the cobbled alleyways amongst the medieval buildings, cathedrals and churches that seem to have remained unchanged since the 1600 / 1700’s. As Toledo is a fortified city located on top of a hill and sealed off by its own city walls you really do feel away from it all.
All we did was eat well, sampling the local speciality of marzipan and drink as well as visit the infamous Jew Gate in honour of a quarter of my genes – well I had to really didn’t I?

Both of these weekends were an early birthday treat to myself but for my actual birthday Arancha took me out for dinner at Paramount restaurant, 32 floors above the centre of London and it definitely ranks as one of my top meals enjoyed in the city that I call home.

Before we knew it we were into December and that meant 2 things;

1) Soon we would once again escape normal life

2) Goodbye Latner (one of my best chums)

If I do say so myself I think Latner did pretty well with regards to leaving presents:

• Gifts from the ‘I love Leicester’ gift shop – I still can’t believe that place exists
• A pre-loaded digital photo frame of what’s important – family, mates and Jimmy Savile (big up to Sharon and Cheryl for the photos and the use of their home for the presentation and drinks – Cherry B and Snowballs – classy)
• Signed photos of LCFC legends ala Julian Joachim and Frank Sinclair
• A DVD of our 2011 Aussie road trip
• A LCFC shirt with a selection of his nicknames printed on the back
• A t-shirt with a mug shot of each and every one of us so that he can sleep with us next to him if he gets lonely on the other side of the world

As for the actual leaving do I do not remember a lot but I definitely remember more than Lat’s cousin Tyler who was smashed and ejected from the comedy club for consistently heckling the acts. Yes it got a little tiresome but to be honest he was far more entertaining than the supposed headline act who had a shocker.

Oddly enough on that same night next door there was a Lambert reunion of sorts for my auntie’s 60^th bday so given that I had not seen most of the family for 2 years I popped my head in to say hello to everyone and introduce them to Arancha as it would be at least another 2 years before I saw them again, if that.

Anyway, a good night was had by all (except by Tyler post 11pm) and it was goodbye Latner in Leicester.

Goodbye Latner full stop came on the following Monday as he came down to London to stay the night before heading over the airport to fly off to Sydney and the love of his life. I took him for the meat feasts of all meat feasts at Bodeans for a last supper and he thanked me by leaving a trademark Latner scent in my bathroom. Love you Lats.

It seemed like the opportunity to travel had been somewhat limited of late so December 7^th weekend was spent with Arancha’s aunty and uncle in Bordeaux. Michelle and Georges were superb hosts, their house was fantastic and Bordeaux itself is on the list of cities that I could live in.
This was a lazy weekend of a lot of sleep mixed with fine food and wine including a restaurant specialising in dishes constructed with cheese – very tasty but very sickly by the end.
I was also introduced (not literally) to perhaps the most self-sufficient prostitutes on the planet. Bordeaux’s pros all work out of their own campervans even equipping the interior driver lights with a red bulb – how fucking cool is that? Just drive your entire business around. Brilliant.

One other funny moment during this visit was when I went down with a sugar dip and started to feel really ropey. The result; a 70+ year old woman running up and down the hills of the wine region town of St Emillion to find some bread for a supposed fit and healthy 33 year old. Out of breath she returned 10 mins later with a full baguette of bread and I felt like a complete weakling. What must she have thought of me?

AJ is still abusing me about this now.     

My first Christmas at home in 3 years soon followed and it was a pleasure to see that the day was business as usual and exactly the same as it has been for the past 33 years of my life but with the welcome addition of Arancha to the Lambert family table.

Thanks for all of our pressies Suze and Pippin – spoilt once again!

I took dad out for a ‘couple’ of drinks on Boxing Day and 7 hours later we got home completely smashed – it was a fun day but I certainly felt it the next day.

29^th December and Arancha left me, the bitch. Luckily for her work was finished and so there was no need to hang around in London and spend her money when she could begin her adventure and spend it in Canada.
So for the next 3 weeks it was just me in the flat tidying up the loose ends and packing my life away for the second time in just over 2 years.         

NYE was a fun night at my old flat in Waterloo with my former housemate Marchie and his bride Shamila. It was a proper house party with some faces that I had not seen in quite a while and the added benefit of being able to leave the flat at 11:50pm to watch the London fireworks from the streets behind the London Eye as we all live so close to the centre.

On NYD I had to be on a 10pm train to Leicester to take my day to a LCFC football match and I can tell you that it was not pleasant. I was still drunk, the train was overcrowded due to a cancellation and the sun was shining right into my face for the entire journey. Fortunately it was worth it as Leicester won 6-1 in a thoroughly entertaining match but by the time I got back to London that evening I was knackered and was not looking forward to work the next day.
 

The next 10 days flew by as I caught up with mates to say goodbye, meet a new face (congrats Bennet and Bedir on Bella, probably the most content baby I have had the fortune to meet), move out of the flat and finish up at work.

Due to complications with the handover at work I was required to work up to the day before I flew (not ideal) but apart from the benefit of extra cash for the trip I also had the good fortune to stay in a 5 star hotel by St Paul’s Cathedral  and enjoy the room service. I had already moved out of my flat so if work needed me until the day before I flew then they needed to accommodate me!  
Work ended with my reputation as a self-employed contractor intact and it is fair to say that my first UK contract was a complete success so I was well chuffed.  

So that was that – London life was over once again. I jumped on a train and headed back to the Shire for a precious last few hours with the parents before I was up early the next morning to once again head back down to London to Gatwick Airport.
One thing for certain was that I was very happy to have an end to the London to Leicester to London travel.  
My last meal at home was mum’s roast dinner – what else would you want before you disappear for 18 months?
Then we were there again. It was at this same location on 9^th October 2010 that I said my uncomfortably emotional farewells to mum and dad as I embarked upon my first backpacking adventure beginning in Delhi, full of trepidation and nervous excitement, completely unsure of what lay ahead.
This time is couldn’t be more different. Yes it was emotional but we’ve all come a long way since that October day, we (I) can actually say we love each other to each other’s faces and be cool about it. There were probably a few more tears than the last time but it was controlled and mum still hasn’t dropped to the floor and wrapped her arms around my legs as I am forced to drag her along the floor as I make my way to the train.

As for my own feelings about what lay ahead? No worries, I can’t wait, it seems more normal to be living this way now than living in a flat and working in an office in London.

Plus this time I am not alone, I have Arancha for company, the one person who thinks exactly the way as I do (which is scary as we have some pretty fucked up thoughts that not everyone agrees are funny), so it is going to rock! 

Wednesday 16^th January 2013 and off I fly with the relative luxury of a 2 seat row to myself and enjoy movie time for the entire 8.5 hour flight.
Wednesday morning Leicester, Wednesday evening Calgary after a few probing questions from Canadian immigration such as:

• Q: What are you doing here? A: Traveling
• Q: Why are you here for so long in Canada (54 days)? A: Traveling
• Q: How long are you away for overall? A: Traveling for 18 months in total
• Q: You must have a good job if they let you take that long off? A: I quit, as I say, I am traveling
• Q: Are you planning to work in Canada? A: No, I am traveling
• Q: Are you here on your own? A: No, I am meeting my girlfriend
• Q: Is she is Canadian? A: No, she is Australian
• Q: What is she doing here? A: Traveling
• Q: How did you meet her? A: In Nepal, traveling

Seriously, I am here for 54 days and a standard tourist visa is 90 days – what is the big deal? Anyway, once I produced proof my travel insurance I was free to go; with a 6 month tourist visa!

Getting to downtown Calgary was as easy as peas and within 1 hour I was 2 blocks north of the city in a quaint B&B and reunited with my homie after 3 weeks apart. We popped out for a bite to eat and as to be expected at this time of year it was cold!!!
Going out for dinner was also my first introduction to the most annoying thing about Canada – Goods and Service Tax (GST)!
GST is the same as VAT except that the Canadian government doesn’t fleece everyone like the UK, but what pisses me off is that every price you see whether it be a food menu of clothing in a shop is excl GST. It gets me every time – I might buy a sandwich for $10 and have the note to pay for it but then the cash register rings with an increased value and this can vary depending on where you are in the country as there may well be a provincial tax on top of the GST.
Just put the actual price on the menu please then we all know where we stand!!
And don’t get me onto the dollar shop! A dollar plus GST is not a dollar.

We will leave tipping until the States as I am sure that it will piss me off more. As a backpacker I think I should have a concession card like an OAP bus pass that gives me exemption from tipping because I am an unemployed bum.

I had been up for quite a few hours so a comfy bed was all I needed to fall completely into a deep slumber and leave AJ to lovingly watch me sleep and listen to the snoring that she had so very missed.

Staying in a B&B meant that breakfast would be served for us at a time so desired by the paying guest so at 8:30pm sharp we sat down to freshly made eggs benedict and black coffee so strong that I was left with the Mohammed Ali’s. Now I like a good yarn as much as my dad but having the owner, Diana standing over us asking questions and us replying between mouthfuls and spitting food onto the table cloth was a bit much.
However, having only been on my travels for a little over 12 hours our very sketchy itinerary had already changed.  We had mentioned that after Canada we would travel overland down the west coast of the US to Mexico (hopefully the turban I plan to wear with my beard and backpack will be ok in the southern Republican states) and Diana was all over the proposed route with places that we must check out; so I am happy that she did hang around.

My only day in Calgary was literally a designated shopping day – buy the ski gear here or be ripped off in the ski towns.

To say that I wasn’t looking forward to it was an understatement but with AJ’s patience and Canada’s version of Sports Direct everything was bought in under 4 hours.

 To interject there is a new tv show being advertised on Canadian tv – who is the best taxidermist? The example shown was a chicken with a light bulb for a head and a fox looking at it wearing sunglasses! Ok.

I can’t say that I was that impressed with Calgary as a city, it didn’t really have a lot of charm and was a little run down but the frozen river running north of the centre that looked like a glacier was awesome and worth a few photos.

That evening we were at the bus station for my first journey on what is an institution for travellers in these parts, the Greyhound Bus, on my way to my new home for the majority of the next 2 months, Banff.

The next 3 days were all about the snow, the everlasting views across the vista of the Canadian Rocky Mountains from the top of my own mountain before the headlong rush and adrenaline buzz down the slopes to the bottom before heading back up to begin it all over again.

 Accommodation in places like Banff is very expensive so the majority of the time we find ourselves staying in hostels. Fortunately a private room is affordable especially as there would be 3 of us sharing once Bec (a mate of AJ’s from back home) was back from a work conference in Chicago.

Upon Bec’s return I noted earlier that having only spent a brief amount of time with her in Melbourne that my first real ‘quality’ time spent with her in our hostel room was me asking her about Chicago whilst I sat on the floor trimming my toe nails trying to ensure that they all went in the bin (I am going with 95%). Is that weird and little too comfortable?

Banff itself is a great little town full of shops, bars, clubs and restaurants even if it is overrun by young Aussies and Kiwis on work and travel visas – but seriously, where isn’t overrun by antipodeans?
It also seems that Christmas never ends in Canada as it is now early Feb and the trees and lights are still illuminating the snowy streets and many ice sculptures that adorn them, some of which are unbelievably intricate.
Throw in the frozen lakes full of ice skaters and hockey players and you have your archetypical Canadian postcard and I like it.

The reason that we are in Banff is that we bought season passes to ski on 3 separate areas of the Banff National Park and plan to be here throughout Jan, Feb and Mar:

• Sunshine Ski Resort – 107 ski trails set upon and within the alpine valleys of 3 adjoining mountains with a top elevation of 2,700 metres
• Lake Louise Ski Resort – 139 ski trails across 2 mountains
• Norquay Mountain – 33 runs

I have skied in Europe and Australia and I would say that I am a little better than intermediate but without the fear of attempting any run, as I can always get down even though it may not be graceful. However, the mountains here are the real deal and there are some seriously challenging slopes to get down that are much tougher than what I have previously faced.

The trails are rated:

• Green – Easier
• Blue – Intermediate
• Black – Most Difficult
• Double Black – Expert

To date we have been tackling everything up to the Black runs but until there is a serious dump of snow ie. Some cushioning, I will not be attempting the double blacks just yet.

However, as time goes on my skiing and AJ’s snowboarding is coming along very nicely as we grow in confidence and become more familiar with our favourite runs that can last anything up to 20 minutes down the mountain.

There is a great app available on the i-phone that monitors your days skiing and our average day consist of 20km – 25km distance covered and my top speed is 87kph / 54mph. I am determined to improve on this but I can assure you that it feels really fast when it is just you on a pair of skis! However, I don’t think I will get to the 111kph that a lad in one of our dorms achieved!

There is little point in me trying to describe the views and experience of the skiing and of Canada as a whole – Google images will show you what you need to see.  But you have to move with the times, so this trip and blog will include links to film footage so you can see a little more of what it is I am seeing.  
You can view it at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORguPWGyOXg

All I can say is that is lives up to all that you imagine of Canada and the Rockies – snow, ice, glaciers, mountain peaks, thousands of pine trees and mile upon miles of wild country – a truly beautiful place to be spending my time.

 
Of course there have been a couple of boozy nights out but having had one particularly heavy night celebrating Australia Day with Arancha and Bec the next day’s skiing was a complete write off, so much so that we only got 2 hours of skiing in before we gave up falling on our arses through a combination of headaches, lack of coordination and lingering intoxication. I am not saying that booze and the snow do not go together, of course they do, but to get the most out of the experience and to improve our technical ability we will be limiting our nights out. Plus, I am 2 weeks into 18 months and I have already spent a shit load of cash – limiting the boozing is more about ensuring that I will have enough cash to last the distance.
Saying that, the nightlife is great here and the atmosphere on a Saturday night when the locals are about for the weekend makes me wish I had a few more dollars to spare.

Given that the girls had already spent a couple of weeks or so in Banff so on the Monday post my arrival we moved on to the town of Jasper for a bit of variation. Jasper is located in its own national park and is approximately 4 hours north of Banff.  
The drive to Jasper took us along the provincial Highway 93 which is ranked as one of the top 5 tourist drives in the whole world. For 4 hours we stared out of the window at the aforementioned wilderness, some of the 200 or so glaciers that dot the Canadian Rockies and huge snow cornices hanging precariously from the sides of the mountains which themselves were created by layer upon layer of sandstone that once formed the bed of an ancient ocean before being thrust up into the heavens as the Asian and American continental plates collided to create one of the world’s most iconic mountain ranges. As if this wasn’t all romantic enough as I finally began to relax and release the burdens of the corporate world it was topped off by Chuck the driver delivering his running commentary throughout the trip which was both factual and interesting. We covered the geology, nature, environment and wildlife elements of the region and I was enthralled.
A couple of beauts that I learnt were:

1. The Rockies form the continental divide of North America meaning that when it rains all the water landing on the east side will flow down into the rivers and ultimately end in the Atlantic Ocean and on the west side the Pacific Ocean
2. We drove past the Columbia Icefield, an icefield that sits astride the continental divide and feeds 8 major glaciers. This icefield covers 325 square kilometres and can be as thick as 1,200 feet in places. Fortunately this is one example of an icefield that is managing to remain stable in size due in part to the 7 metres of snowfall it receives per year, however, it may remain stable but that means it also isn’t growing!

It will sound to you the reader that this trip was almost bordering on eroticism but I was nothing compared to the male half of a kiwi couple who we believed to be honeymooners and possibly on their first overseas trip. The guy must have taken over 500 photographs and by the way he was weaving around in a still seated position trying to capture every bloody thing he should be filmed and sold as a fitness video to every fat ass couch potato at home – his core stability must have been amazing. I felt quite sorry for his missus as when she finally did get a turn with the camera was directed about every shot which she should take – “click, click, click, click, click…”

We were in the sleepy town of Japser for 4 nights in the comfort of an amply sized 2 bedroom log cabin with open log fire. All that was missing was a rocking chair and a smoking jacket!

All in all we didn’t do that much but what we did do was worth the journey:

• Maligne Canyon ice walk – a 3 hour walk along a frozen river bed that is hard to believe is a 12 foot tall raging torrent of white water during the summer months. Immediately the action began as we encountered my first coyote idly walking along the side of the highway past the minibus before it trotted off no doubt on the hunt for an easy feed. Next was the herd of elk enjoying a relaxing morning socialising in a field. As for the walk itself we were fortunate enough to have footwear akin to wellies with attachable crampons but I still resembled Bambi learning to walk as we traversed over the sheets of ice and in and behind frozen waterfalls. The culmination of the walk was to enter the canyon itself to be confronted by 50 foot tall walls of ice which unbelievably showed the hallmarks of the many brave ice climbers that scale these temporary monuments every winter. On the way back to the van we encountered a juniper bush and given that these berries are used to make gin I wasn’t surprised when I saw Arancha and Bec lean over a pluck a few. They were quite tasty and you definitely got a hint of gin.The rest of that day was drank away in the Whistlestop Pub with a bargain $5.50 burger and fries
• Marmot Basin – Jasper’s ski mountain. All in all this ski area was a disappointment, it was a lot smaller than our ‘home’ skiing and the quality of the snow was not the best. However, we did have a fun day filming each other as we skied from the very top to the bottom and each film includes a fall by Arancha but I have to give her some credit as she was performing a row of 360 degree turns . I will get this footage edited and supply the link in the next post

 

What followed was a lazy day sandwiched by a couple of lazy evenings in front of the open log fire before it was time to hop back onto the bus and back along Highway 93 to Banff through a snowstorm that would bring England to a standstill. In Canada it is business as usual and this particular driver told me that one day he had driven through 3 feet of snow whist watching an avalanche in his rear view mirror. Can you imagine our National Express bus drivers being that capable back home?  I don’t think so; they can barely cope with a frost.

As with Australia, Canada has ‘Beware Animals Crossing’ signs. Australia has Emu, Camel and Kangaroo; Canada has Moose, Coyote and Grizzly Bear!!! I wonder what we would have?

Fox, Squirrel and Hedgehog? Or maybe a vicious Badger to make us look a little harder?

After a final weekend with Bec in Banff which included a great day off piste, skiing the back country, dodging pine trees and falling over a lot, as well as an Elk steak which was very tasty, we waved goodbye to Bec with the agreement of next seeing her in Las Vegas in early April and off we went to the resort of Lake Louise, 45 mins up the road.

This was more like it; Lake Louise looked like a mini Lapland, knee deep in snow surrounded by twinkling lights and log cabins. Even the youth hostel was built to sit perfectly within its wooded surroundings.

Lake Louise is a very small town with a real charm that makes you feel completely welcome and at home, the only problem is that accommodation is very pricey so our only option was a mixed dorm room.

Fortunately, the mixed dorm that we were allocated had a double bed set in a loft alcove that was reached via a 12 foot vertical ladder – not advisable if you were on the sherry.
Our roomies for the first 2 days were Kirk, a young kiwi with an unhealthy interest in Wall St bankers and Jasper, an Aussie banker, both of which were sound lads. They were both here on Canadian work and travel visas with the option to stay for 2 years!
We would love to do this but Arancha and I are too old to get a visa as we are over 31 years old, one of us more than the other – quite gutted really.

For 2 days we enjoyed what Lake Louise skiing had to offer, particularly on the backside of the mountain that had beautifully powdered runs and intricate routes through the trees. I can’t say that we cared for the front of the mountain which was too icy and dangerous – this proven by the fact that I twice ended up on my back skidding head first down the mountain.

I also had a particularly bad fall on my last run of the second day as I lost control over a mogul run and hit the snow face first. It was pretty scary during that slow motion split second when I knew that I was going down but I couldn’t help but laugh with Arancha as I pictured myself covered in snow with one of my skis a few metres up the slope behind me.

Apart from being a little shaken I was fine but yet another camera was broken. That is 2 cameras in little over a year broken by ‘falls’ – this travelling lark is getting expensive!

Canada itself has been unseasonably warm of late (and this has been proven by the fact today is Groundhog Day and Phil the ‘Hog has declared an early spring) but on this second day in Lake Louise the thermometer bottomed out at -26 degrees. It was easy to see that this was the case as when Jasper came to seat in front of us on the bus and he had some of his own spittle frozen on his chin. It gave Arancha that nails down the blackboard feeling but for me I just stared at it giggling internally.

Arancha has just told that she purposely slid further down in her set so that she could only see him from the nose up!! Ha ha.

I have just noticed that I have an American quarter in my pocket which is a little annoying as I don’t think that you can use them here but on closer inspection I would never to discard this coin. Do you know why? Because it has Helen Keller as the subject and next to the name it has a translation in the tiniest brail so that there is no way that a blind person could ever read it.

Helen Keller is a legend amongst the boys and we love her.

For our last day of this visit to Lake Louise we decided that a treat was in order. We like our treat days. We took a day off from our office jobs on the mountains and spent a few hours at the famous Chateau Lake Louise – a 5 star hotel set upon the banks of the actual Lake Louise, a stunning turquoise lake fed by the Victoria Glacier (named after our own Queen Victoria) on its western shore.
Of course at this time of year the lake is completely frozen over and the part closest to the hotel doubles as an ice rink complete with ice sculptures and an ice castle complete with thrones.

We spent an hour or so walking along the banks of the lake admiring the dramatic scenery that surrounded the said lake whilst looking out for the ancient mountaineering lodge that sits atop one of the surrounding mountains overlooking what must be one of the most awe inspiring sights. The lodge is actually open for afternoon tea during the summer months so we are left with no option but to return to conquer this new item on the ‘list’.

After the brisk walk we went into the hotel for a delicious lunch of Bison brisket amongst the luxurious surroundings and the panoramic views.
The end of lunch signalled the end of treat day so it was a 4km walk back down to the village below. This was an unremarkable walk along the roadside until Arancha thought that she had finally found the path only to climb up onto the ledge and then promptly sink thigh deep into dirty brown snow.  

We wasted the rest of the day watching films on the laptop before a depressing pasta dinner whilst speculating who would be our roomies for the night from the array of people about us. There were definitely some that we did not fancy such as an old couple who did not know what ear phones were as they sat in the communal area watching their own laptop at full volume. There was also a very bizarre bloke who looked like he had jumped off the pages of a hitchhiker murderer film and I was very unnerved by the way he sauntered around taking in absolutely every part of his surroundings including us.

Obviously we had all 3 in our room.

We are now close to the end of this post and it has been a much longer update than first envisaged. So I will leave you with one last story of my travels to date. We are now back in Banff and coming to the end of Celebrity weekend at the Sunshine Ski Village, a weekend where celebs get another freebee for some charitable cause and enjoy a weekend bender on the slopes.

There were a plethora of so called celebs milling around and we found ourselves in the close company of Minnie Driver, Lyle Lovett, Cheryl Hines (Curb Your Enthusiasm), Robert F Kennedy Jnr (American royalty) and Pierce Brosnan on 2 separate occasions, once in the shittiest café on the slopes where we were sat eating our crushed sandwiches and microwavable rice!!
Now seeing these faces was all good but I was hanging out for Kevin Sorbo (Hercules), Susan Surrandon, Kelly Lebrock (Weird Science) and Alec Baldwin.

Right, that’s that for now and I must really do my updates more often as these essays are a killer.

We are off to Muse on Monday; Chao.