I've been to Full Moon, to follow the mushroom, Full Moooon, Full Moooon...

Bloggers, how goes it?
I don't know why but lately I have been singing the theme tune to Button Moon a lot - odd - but it has leant itself well to the title of this post.

I have only been back from the rainforest for literally 1 hour but I can't be responsible for what Sharon Bromley may do with a dose of Blog cold turkey, so this is for you Shazza.

My last post came on the eve of my departure from Laos, and this one comes from Malaysia with 2 weeks spent in Thailand sandwhiced in between.
My travel from Laos to Thailand is nothing worth talking about. It was a long journey, approximately 16 hours but it was relaxing enough as I had a bed on the overnight train. Trains in Thailand are very similar to those in India except for 2 main differences. Thai trains have a dining carriage where you can get drunk and they also have a man who makes your bed for you - no such luxuries in India where you find yourself sprawled out over a sheet trying to tuck all of the corners in without falling off of the bunk bed.

I got to Bangkok early on a Saturday morning and set about finding a decent place to stay as my good Norwegian friend, Unni, would be arriving later that day to spend 2 weeks with me travelling around the islands of south Thailand.
For those of you who have been reading my blog from the start, I met Unni in Varkala, south India, back in November. She is one of the people responsible for me eating so many chillies due to my losses at cards and in part as a result of this suffering horrific, yes horrific, burns at the hands of the sun.

I got a nice hotel at my first attempt on the famous Khoa San Road and then hung out at the park by the river reading until Unni arrived. Guess what happened during this time? Yes, that's right, I got sunburnt! For the next day or 2 I was wearing a white vest on my skin. Every time!! Why?!

We both had no intention of hanging around in Bangkok as we wanted sea, sand and general partying so we booked our travel to the island of Phi Phi straight away, which would depart the following evening.
That night we took in the joys of Khoa San Road - booze and a 1am feast of fried insects.
I sampled silk worms, crickets and scorpions. I have to say that they were really nice. They were fried up so that they were crispy and nothing gooey was left inside and then covered in salt. No lie, I would recommend them to anyone, but there was no way I was going to eat a cockroach that was the size of the palm of my hand!

The next day was a non-event and just a case of hanging around until our 6pm departure to Phi Phi. The journey was to take 19 hours all in all, but I am used to this sort of thing now after hours and hours of travel over the last 4.5 months, plus I actually had somone travelling with me for the first time so all was good. Saying that, the overnight coach to Krabi was very uncomfortable and I only got about 2 - 3 hours sleep.
From Krabi it was then a 2 hours boat ride to the island - a good chance to relax, sit in the sun and read - something I would do a lot of over the next 2 weeks.
So we eventually got to Phi Phi at 1pm with only one task left - find a place to stay. It was recommeded that the nicest place was at Long Beach, about a 25 minute walk from the main town, or a 10 minute taxi ride. Phi Phi has no roads, so a taxi ride is by means of jumping onto a 'taxi' boat. A very nice way to travel, I can tell you.
So at Long Beach we got a room which was precisely 10 seconds walk from our door onto the beach, and the beach had white sand with a view of a turquoise sea and in the near distance the island of Phi Phi Lay, which is home of Maya beach from the film 'The Beach'.
For the rest of the day we sat on the beach, swan in a warm sea where the tropical fish just hang around with you and the had a beer watching the sunset.
We were keen to carry on our relaxing daytime, hectic nightlife programme that we had set ourselves so in the evening we went to explore Phi Phi town centre - travelling by taxi boat of course!
One thing to note about south Thailand in general is their love of a 'fire show' - Thai men dancing and whirling fire around on all sort of sticks and chains and these shows generally always start at 10pm in the evening. So we took in a show and then hit the bars not really knowing what the town had to offer.
It just so happened that the 4 girls from Oz who I had travelled on the slow boat in Laos with were on the island too, so we met up with them and let them guide us around. To be fair it was all good as it turns out that apart from a bustling town there is also a nightly beach party to keep you entertained, so I wasted no time in intoducing Unni to the virtues of a vodka, red bull and sprite bucket.
We took a very late taxi back to Long Beach and thought it would be an ideal time to take a night time swim. For reasons unknown to me a Norwegian girl found the sea too cold to swim in so that was that. I ran up the beach to my hotel and managed to kick a tree stump along the way leaving me with a nice mark and bruise along the top of my foot.
I have to say that I am happy Unni has now left as I have never known myself to be so clumsy as I have in the 2 weeks spent in her company.

The next day followed the pattern of the last. Up late, chilled at the beach and then walked this time into town. As I said the walk takes about 25 minutes and the route takes you around the coast through forest and small coves of hidden beach. There are also parts that have no lighting and are great for tripping over in your flip flops!
So we hit the town again but this time we had (well I had) an objective. Spurs vs AC Milan in the Champions Lge, local kick off time 2:45am. Fortunately for me, Unni plays and watches football - so all good.
Before the game we found a great rock bar which has a great live band. There are not many live bands that I have seen where they stand there and let you shout out what song you want to hear and then they just play it, and play it well. They even played some Muse for me - I was well impressed.
Even better was the drummer, the coolest drummer I have ever seen and I had to have a photo with him as his hair was all Lamby, but far superior.
So onto the Irish Bar (why is there an Irish bar everywhere in the world?) to watch the match. I am still buzzing over the fact that we beat AC Milan and in the San Siro, but by the time the game was over, 5am, I was ready for my sleep.
We had watched the game with a Swedish / Norwegian couple and we all got a taxi back to Long Beach. When we arrived everyone jumped off of the boat except me as I was trying sort out my fare. I took so long that the other couple has disappeared by the time I had paid and I was very pleased about this. The reason for my pleasure was that as I disembarked the boat in some sort of cool jump I realised that I was still sort of sideways as I approached the sea. I tried to correct myself but to no avail, I landed on one drunken leg and then fell backwards into the sea much to Unni's and the boat driver's amusement. To add to my misfortune I somehow hit the heel of my foot on the way down and it split open and has only just healed now. (because I managed to trip and split it again about a week ago)

As we got in so late the night before we did not surface the next day until 2pm and I wish I hadn't got up at all. We took the oh so long walk to the beach and whilst lying there I saw the worst pair of tits I have ever seen. If you have seen the film 'There's something about Mary' then you will know what I saw that day - jesus love, just put them away, do you own a mirror?!
Out again that night to the Rolling Stoned Rock bar and then took the walk home as we were not so drunk that night and it was fairly early as we had a boat trip booked for the next day.

As we walked along the beach we noticed that there were dozens of little crabs scampering about to get out of our way and down to the ocean and then I noticed a fairly large one. It was moving fast and I could see in the wrong direction and my exact words were "Unni, look at the size of..." before there was a very loud crunch and the big crab has run directly underneath Unni's foot and she had stepped forward.
She spun around with a look of horror on her face which only served in making laugh even more, even though I did feel sorry for the victim.
I have photos of the crab murderer and the crab itself which I will get up onto Facebook as soon as I can.

Up bright and early for our boat trip which would take in the all important Maya Beach. We got a taxi over to the main pier and I have to say that I have never seen a sea so amazingly coloured as it was that day. With the backdrop of the strange half-oval shaped mountains it was just exquisite - yes exquisite I say.

So the boat trip:
First thing I noticed was a French couple who were on our boat. I noticed them for 3 reasons:
1) her hairy arm pits
2) his Speedos
3) I couldn't figure out if he was her lover, her son or both!
They did provide some entertainment later on which I will get to.

There were also 2 English couples on the boat. Did you know that in Norway that they have a perception that most English people are just stupid. Admittedly this comes from their early experiences of holidays to places such as Magaluf and Ibiza, but with my clumsiness growing by the day and talking to one couple in particular we did nothing to dispell this.
I will defend you Unni in saying that you did say it with a smile on your face!

First stop on the trip: Monkey Island.
We got to snorkel over a coral reef as we made our way to a small beach which housed, yes that's right, loads of monkeys. Nothing more to say.

Second stop:
Snorkelling in a bay that leads into a lovely lagoon. Unfortunately we couldn't get to the lagoon as it was low tide and the coral would rip your feet up. So we had to contend with more snorkelling and jumping into the sea from the top of the boat. It was only about 5 mtrs but it seems a lot higher when you are up there.

I said that it was impossible to get to the lagoon and it was for us mere mortals, but the French couple ignored everything we were told and took one of the boat's kayaks over to it. They got there ok but by the time they came back the tide had gone even further out. We had to leave about 20 mins later than planned whilst we watched them paddle, drag, paddle some more and fall over the kayak as they tried to make their way back over the coral to the boat.
Not even an apology when they got back!!!

Third stop: Maya beach
Jumped off of the boat and swam over a part of the island that would enable us to take a short forest walk to emerge onto 'the beach' as Decaprio once did.
I have to say that I was disappointed. It was busy and there were far too many boats in the bay to really take in how stunning it actually was.
I am still happy that I have seen it, but maybe next time I will do the overnight camp which is supposed to be quite good. We would've done it but we were to move on to another island the next day.

So that was the end of the trip, as we sailed back to Phi Phi we got to watch the sunset over the sea and the have a nice meal by the beach back on dry land.

We were up early the next day as we had a day's travel ahead to make it over to the islands on the other side of Thailand. The reason for travelling over that way was that the day after it was the night of the infamous Full Moon party on Koh Phanghan.
We were to stay on Koh Samui and would just get a boat to and from Koh Phanghan for the party.
Our journey that day consisted of 2 boats and a bus journey (the first boat was with the Oz girls and was a goodbye as they were heading back home but I hope to see them again in Brisbane) and we got to Koh Samui by 4pm that afternoon.
As seems to happen with everybody that travels, on the second boat I ran into a girl that I had sat next to part of the way on the train from Laos to Thailand. Still, that happens to so many people travelling that I shouldn't be surprised any more.

We stayed in a little and quiet town called Big Buddha on the island and we found a very reasonably priced bunglow which was this time about 15 seconds walk from the beach.
Koh Samui is famous in part for the 'Koh Samui tatoo' ie. lots and lots of people have motorcycle accidents on the sandy roads and have the marks (tatoos) to show for it. On our first night we saw this with our own eyes.
We went out for some dinner and then all of a sudden an Indian couple hobbled past us and they looked in a very bad way. The guy had an arm in plaster and sling, a bandage over his nose and they both had bandages around their knees! As they slowly meandered past us we couldn't help but snigger, they just looked rediculous as they inched their way back to their room near to the restaurant somehow managing not to bend their legs.

After dinner there was only one choice of what to do - have a few beers. To my dismay there only seemed to be old man English pubs about, which I did not expect. Anyway, we went to the 'Premier Sports Bar' and before I knew it I was with a group of English men playing killer pool for money whilst Karioke was on in the background. I think this was Unni's first experience of an old man type pub but she seemed to enjoy it.

A little while later, for unknown reasons and adding to the 'stupid English' Norwegian view, a fat, topless man from the pub stumbled drunkenly out into the road and before we knew it 3 more Koh Samui tatoos were created. I didn't see the actual collision but I heard it - it was loud. I turned around to see 3 people and a moped lying in the middle of the road; the fat man and male driver were just lying unconcious and the female passenger was writhing around. Lots of people from the pub ran out to assist but I just sat there drinking my beer - what could I do? I am not trained in first aid and besides it was my shot next at killer pool - it was for money so I needed to concentrate.
An ambulance was called but everyone concerned (once they had regained conciousness) declined to go to hospital. The reason for this was that it costs a small fortune to receive treatment if collected by the ambulance so you are better off making your own way to A&E - mental.

The next day was 'Full Moon' day. The first task of the day was to get the boat tickets for our travel over to Koh Phangan and with that done we had the rest of the day to fill.
It was decided to visit Hin Ta and Hin La; 2 rock formations that look a lot like a cock and fanny and they so did.
A taxi was required to get over to the rocks at Lamai Beach and I was blessed that my driver turned out to be Mr Chung - a legend. He talked for the entire journey about everything and everyone from every country, his general knowledge was immnese. Still, I only fell in love with him when he said "Tiger Woods and Mr Chung, same same", referring to his love of women, and "Camilla Parker Bowles and horse, same same".

After taking in the delights of the stone formations and getting photos to look like we were licking the penis (I will upload onto facebook soon) we took a slow walk down Lamai Beach for about 2 / 3 kms. I have to say that it was lovely; white sand, blue sea and palm trees hanging over the beach. Apparently there are over 3 million palms on Koh Samui - no idea how they reached this number but I am just sharing the info with you.
From Lamai beach it was a communal taxi back to Big Buddha and unfortunately we had to share it with a man that smelled of p*ss. He looked completely wasted, his eyes were wide open like he had taken something very strong and all of his movements were laboured to the point of some serious slow motion action. The unneriving thing for me is that he had curly hair and could pass for an older Lamby. If I do not return from my travels it is very possible that you will find me fulfilling the role of my new doppleganger!

And so we come to Full Moon. The boat was booked for 10pm - no point getting there too early as I definitely had to see the sun rise over the beach and the festivities.
The speed boat took only 20 mins to get to our destination and as we disembarked you could actually feel the energy of the place. It was a 15 minute walk to the actual party beach but the walk took in many bars, shops and market stalls selling lots of flourescent goods and paints. I already had my bright yellow swim shorts on but I couldn't resist purchasing a luminous yellow head band to make me look even more like a fool - it's all good!
As we descended onto the beach I knew it would be a good night - 30,000 people, fire and blaring music. The night was spent on buckets of vodka, redbull and sprite with the odd beer, and I have to say that I was a little drunk, but also drunk on the atmosphere of it all, honest.
Along the beach there were multiple bars / clubs, fire shows, fire skipping ropes where revellers would attempt to skip over the high flames coming off of the rope - some not very successfully it must be said. We spent the first 3 or 4 hours walking up and down the beach taking it all in and then took a visit up to Mushroom Mountain, a bar famous for mushrooms of course, but also a good place to chill out and watch the party from up high. I can assure that I did not take any substance except from alcohol; if I was ever going to risk taking something like that (which I know I never would) it would not be with 30,000 people where I could freak out or possibly think that I could actually wrap the burning fire rope around myself and wear it in some fashion.
When we were up there some guy approached me and looked at me. I said "Alright?", he replied in a very paranoid voice "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" and then turned around and stormed off - mushroom freak!

There is talk of there being amphetamines within the red bull here and I am inclined to believe it. I was having a great time and at about 3am myself and Unni settled into the Mushroom Mountain to chill out for a bit; the next thing I knew is looking up and dawn approaching and we had been awake all of the time. I have no idea where I lost 3 hours but I did.
Still, the party was going strong so we descended and danced as the sun came up over the ocean. Daylight brought some funny sights:
1) a lonely guy straddling a stick on fire and trying to get his bum as close to it as possible before it got too hot
2) a guy who had fallen asleep with his towel around him. When we walked past him later he was surrounded by beer bottles, had a straw sticking up from out of his ass and a group of people just standing there watching him sleep taking the p*ss
3) some girl, completely off of her t*ts, walking out into the ocean to attempt to catch the rising sun whilst her boyfriend called out to her to come back

We caught the 8am boat back to Koh Samui with only 2 thoughts - breakfast and then sleep.
Nothing more to say about that day except Unni's omlette was in the perfect shape of a turd and we slept, taking in meals in between and we saw the original motorbike couple again, still shuffling around town on straight legs.

After a good day and night's kip we departed early morning to catch a boat to our final island of Koh Tao, which promised us a castaway feel. Whilst waiting for the boat I practised some of my crappy Norwegian (I have learnt a few words) and then found out that the English translation for a lollipop is 'love on a stick'. How could you possibly ever offer a child in Norway a lollipop?

After arriving on Koh Toa after a 2 hour boat ride we headed straight to the east side of the island, which was supposed to be the most remote. Remote it was, but we soon discovered it was far too remote for us and decided that the next morning we would move to the main beach and town on the island.
That night we went out into the town for a few drinks - as usual.
The main town is a really cool place and we found an excellent outdoor bar that played some good music for once.
(I must add that as I write this blog there is a massive thunder storm going on outside and to add to the volume there is a drunk old man drinking a bottle of whisky in reception just shouting out nonsense - he is doing my head in!)

Anyway, back to Koh Toa.
At 10pm everynight there is the joy that is the Queens Cabaret. A ladyboy cabaret show. We got placed at the very front and I have to say that it was really entertaining. My mum and sister would've have loved it - ladyboys dressed up, dancing and miming to artists such as Beyonce, Lady Gaga etc.
I also confess that 3 of the ladyboys were very attractive and one had a really great pair of boobs.
At the end of the show I went over to once of the dancers, a gay guy, and asked him what time the place stayed open until as if there was nowhere else then the disco here must be fun.
He told me it was open until very late but if I was to come back I must do alone and not with a girl - I didn't go back that night.

Next day we were up bright and early and went searching for a more suitable location to stay. We found it almost immediately, a bungalow with a view of the beach and the ocean and about a 9 second walk away from the beach this time. It was perfect and I could have lived there for a very long time, especially after we acquired a hammock as well, even though there were snakes and really loud cockerels about.
As our front garden was literally the beach we hung out there for the day. Night time brought much the same pattern as before and a return visit to the Queen Cabaret, as the show changes nightly.
Watching the show from the same seats was a different experience from the night before. Why? Well I will tell you:
1) when Lady Gaga came out, she had 4 male backing dancers. 2 of these MALE backing dancers were 2 of the ladyboys that I thought were hot. All of sudden they did not seem so attractive as before, especially with their female faces but all to obvious bare male torsos meaning they were gay men. Oh dear.
2) the guy who told me to come alone was the last act on that night. He did one of those routines where he was dressed half man and half woman.
When the show finished and Unni went to the toilet he was there at my side. You cannot imagine how disconcerting it is to have a gay man trying it on with you when he has 2 half faces!
When Unni came back and sat down he cotinued to talk directly to me and never even ackowledged Unni existed. Very funny.

After the cabaret we found another beach party and enjoyed another bucket. As I went for a wee in the sea (it is the done thing) this guy was really angry next to me. Apparently he had been taking a wee and a girl had walked right in front of him. After realising she was covered in his urine she pushed him into the sea. He was so angry because he had gotten his new trainers wet!

The day that followed was a boat journey around the island. Getting in at about 2am and very drunk was not ideal preparation especially as the sea was really rough that day. I am not talking a few big waves, I mean it felt like we were on a roller-coaster. I thought it was great fun even if I was regretting that last bucket from the previous night but others did not. Unni felt rough and had to lie down, one guy was spewing up over the side, and another girl looked so terrified I thought she was going to cry.
It was annoying because we couldn't snorkel at our first designated spot - Shark Bay, where we could've swam with Reef Sharks, which I wanted to do.
Still we were able to get into the water at the calmer Mango Bay and I was treated to a sight of a school of quite large fish numbering about 200 swimming around underneath me.
Later that day we stopped at some islands, Huan Bay, at the north of Koh Toa. They consist of 3 small islands linked by a sand causeway and once you scale the hill to the viewpoint you really are looking down on paradise.

The next 2 days were spent on the beach and in the sea. Only highlights were:
1) eating corn on the cobb from a man who walks up and down and BBQ's them in front of you
2) a goat visited the beach, checking out every bather only to be chased off by an old lady with white hair holding a handbag in one hand and a stick in the other

So it came to the time for Unni to leave and head to Bangkok and for me to head south to country number 5.
I must say that I had a great time in Thailand and the islands are all in their own unique way a version of paradise - so go there!

I was booked on a 9pm night boat to a town called Sarrathani which would arrive at 5am. From there is would be a bus journey to Penang across the border and into Malaysia and then another bus down to Kuala Lumpur.
This may sound like an exaggeration but I got to experience first hand what sleeping on a slave ship might have been like (if only 5% of it).
As we boarded the stench of sweat was overpowering and across the interior of the boat were over 100 matresses spread out. Seriously, I am not a big lad, but lying down on my back I had literally 1 inch of room either side of my shoulders before I touched the next person.
Everyone around me popped a valium and off they went to sleep. I got about 2 hours kip and it was not comfortable. I will usually deal with everything that I have to on my travels and afterall, I am not at work so life is fun; but I can assure that that was my last night boat - ever.
I got to the office to catch my bus to be informed that I would arrive at KL at 6am the next morning, it 5:45am!!
I got onto the bus hoping that this would not actually be the case.
It turns out that it wasn't, instead I would arrive at 3am - bonus.
On the bus (and it was a cramped minibus, not ideal) I met 2 Yank girls and a Brazillian lad. After passing through the border and getting to Penang at 6pm and having to change for our next bus we all looked at each other and decided to stay in Penang for the night and continue the next day.
Not much to say about Penang except:
1) quiet place but with good food
2) I shared a double bed with Tiago, who I had only met a few hours before
3) I bought a wicked Spiderman towel as mine went missing a few days before

So eventually I got to KL at 1pm the next day. 1 of the Yank girls decided to stay in Penang, so myself, Tiago and Muriella checked into a hotel in China Town.
The first day and night was spent hanging around before I went to explore the city for real the next day.

I have to say that I do like KL and it is nothing like I expected; well in fact I did not know what to expect. It is so modern and stylish in places, especially downtown around the Patronus Towers and KL Tower. The shopping centres contain every shop you could ever want, even for the very rich (Versace, Prada, Harrods) and all in all it is very clean. China Town is cool, lots of cheap food and fake goods and I like the place. The only thing missing is history. You walk around London and it is everywhere in front of you, there is nothing from the past here that I have seen so it all seems a little stale in parts.
Still, a visit to the 41st and 86th floors of the Patronus Towers was good. Between 1996 - 2003 this was the tallest building the world and after dark the towers are worth a visit alone. For 2 evenings in a row I went to visit them just stand and look at them lit up - and then followed that up by going to the pub with Tiago.

I also visited the Batu Caves which are 12km north of KL. These caves, at the top of 200 or so steps contain a number of Hindu temples and are worth a visit. I missed the festival that takes place here by a few weeks which was a shame as Hindu's turn up and pierce themselves with hooks to carry various tributes to the gods and walk around on glass etc - supposed to be a good sight.

After 2.5 days in KL it was time to finally get myself over to the rainforest and Taman Negara national park.
On our bus there was an Oz girl, Karla, a Yank, Eli, and his German bird Sylvia who would all be my roomies.
I did like my roomies but I do need to make some comments:
1) Yank - as we all know Yanks are loud and obnoxious (except you Rachael - I love you!) - he was so so very loud but I have to say not obnoxious. But so loud.
2) Sylvia - really cool bird and liked her a lot
3) Karla - loves to contradict herself and even more annoying is her habit of listening to you and as you say the last word of your sentence she will nod her head and say the last word with you - aaaggghhhhh. Shut up!
She made out she was a fitness freak as well - no she was not. Each of her legs were as big as me. Then one day we are sitting outside chatting and she asked me what I was drinking. I told her it was an energy drink much like Lucozade back home. She looked at me, shook her head and told me it was full of suger and that you should only really drink one of these after doing something hardcore like a marathon.
In the next sentence she told me how she really likes her Powerade and Gatorade.
Are you serious? That is the same thing as I am drinking you fool.
All of this went on whilst she was eating a massive bag of crisps and some biscuits - honestly.

Then later we walked past some people from the Far East and they said hello to us. Karla commented how it was funny that the Chinese would say hello to us in English and I commented that I wasn't sure where they were from, they could be Japanese or South Korean for example. She looked at me and asked if there was a difference. I could no longer talk to this girl except for being polite.
Still, I have to go her some respect as she spent 2 months recently in Kenya at an orphanage looking after kids with HIV. I have no idea how she managed it, especially when she said that she has no knowledge of HIV and when she saw other kids touching anothers bloody knee she figured that it was safe for her to do so.
Scary.

So the rainforest itself:
Great, but wish I had more time. We got to the park via a 4 hour bus ride and the a 3 hour boat ride down the river through the forest. You have to take a step back and remember that this is the oldest rainforest in the world and 130 million years old. This forest was here twice as long as the amount of time that we have had no dinosaurs on the planet.
As for where we stayed, the resturants and all floating on the river and we were in a really plush hostel - as hostels go.
That afternoon there was a wild boar right outside our door.
The first evening I went on a night time jungle walk. Try to picture walking through a 130 million year rainforest, it is dark and there is an electrical storm over head - bloody fantastic.
On the walk we saw lots of insects - stick insect mating, yes mating, crickets, slow worms, huntsman spider (big), we saw a fruit bat and best of all we saw a huge scorpion. It was even better glowing luminous under the UV torch of the guide.
We then went to an animal hide and look out into the pitch black. With the powerful torch of the guide we were able to see 3 deer, but when the lightning lit up the forest we were looking out over a grassy area with one solitary tree in the middle and the deer at a watering hole. It had a very spooky but awesome feel to it and I was sitting there waiting for a tiger or panther to strike during the lightning bolt to make the picture perfect for me.
Also on the walk were to guys from the UK who are actually on my flight to Oz and I am off out with them tonight after I finish this - so I had better get a move on.

One other thing that was funny on our walk was when we came across some Cane trees/plant. The guide said, "this is cane, yes cane, C-A-N-E, you know, used for furniture and punishment!"
Ok, if you say so.

Another thing about Malaysia is their love of American Idol ie. they know who Adam Lambert is!
Therefore, on a number of occasions, like checking into hotels for example, I was asked to sing a song and give an autograph.
Still, on the plus side of them taking the p*ss about me being a gay American singer the hotel staff never forgot me and always greeted me with a "Hello Mr Lambert."
Very nice indeed.

The next day in the rainforest was spent walking in the morning to the longest jungle canopy walkway in the world and then up to a viewpoint to look out over endless miles of rainforest and mountains. Again, another site that I will not forget in a hurry to add to all of the rest.
I spent the rest of the morning walking around various trails on my own - loved it. I saw 3 wild boar and some bizarre hen/peacock hydrid with a bright blue face.

In the afternoon I went on a boat to tackle some rapids. It is a motor boat and you actually got head on into them so needless to say that you get soaked. It was good fun but not long enough.
Halfway through we got to stop at a jungle village. The problem was that they were not where we thought they would be. Apparently someone had died in the village and when this happens they relocate the enitre group to somewhere where the spirit can not come back to haunt them.
Eventually we found them downstream and took in village life. It was interesting but best was learning to make fire and using a blow pipe. I hit the target with both of my efforts but not the bullseye unfortunately.
After that is was more rapids and then swimming in the river and using a very dangerous rope swing which was great fun.

That was it for my jungle adventures as I am running out of time before my flight to Oz and I returned to KL today. I will definitely go back though as there is a 7 day jungle trek to the highest mountain on the Malaysian penninsula which is supposed to be really tough and so I of course want to do it.

So that brings you up to date. I am going down to a place called Melaka tomorrow before my final stop in Singapore before I hit Oz. I can't believe that I am only 4 days short of 5 months of travelling, it has gone so quickly.
Asia has been amazing, from India and the Taj Mahal and wild tigers, Nepal and the Himilayas and wild rhinos, Thailand and the party, Laos and the party, Malaysia and the rainforests. So many great adventures but also so many things that I have missed along the way too!
I have a list of stuff that I need to come back and do. They include a visit to Everest, climbing 2 other mountains, 1 of them the highest in SE Asia, a visit to Cambodia as well as Indonesia, spending some time in Sumatra with the Orangutans; the list goes on and on.

Looks like 2 yrs travelling will not be enough. There is still South America to see as well.
No settling down for me for quite a while me thinks!

What do water swings, buckets of vodka red bull, bamboo pubs, camp fires and music equal? The best 3 day party I have ever been to!!!

Sabai di from Laos my friends. Sorry it has taken me so long to post my latest adventures (one very dear person to me actually text to see if I was still alive it has been that long) but I have been partying very very hard. Last night was my first night without a party in about 3.5 wks - I feel very strange today!

So I was in Chiang Mai, north Thailand, during my last post and I ended up spending a total of 8 days there in all. That was never my plan but I met a really good bunch of people, so decided to move into their hostel and hang around with them.
The night of my last post was just a standard one - meeting the guys for a p*ss up. We started the night at the Roof Top Bar, a really chilled out place where everyone sits on the floor on cushions looking out over the city and just chatting random rubbish. I only mention this place because whilst I was there on my own waiting for the others to arrive I sat watching 2 dogs humping in the middle of the bar. I agree that there is nothing strange about 2 dogs getting it on, but when the female dog is wearing a tutu the whole scene seems more suggestive somehow. I am not sure why a dog in clothes is any different but it is.
Anyway, it was bloody funny, and the bitch (meant in the dog sense) was so up for it, she kept hassling the male and in the end he gave in on 3 seperate occasions - my little doggy hero!

The next day was spent sitting by the river reading my book and preparing my body for the rigours of my impending 3 day trek.
In the evening I got an invite to join the guys out as 2 of them were leaving the next day. So I did what every sensible trekker does when they need to be up at 8:30am the next morning, I went out until 5am.
I can't say that I was feeling 100% the next morning when I emerged ready for my trek, but after a 7Eleven breakfast and a few bottles of water I sobered up by about midday.

Our trekking group consisted of me, Rachael, Pete and Al from the group I was hanging around with, Lieve, a Dutch girl who would become part of the group that I would be with for the next 2 weeks, Frank, a Canadian guy with some interesting dinner table stories (to be shared later), Ken and his mate (can't remember now) from Oz, really nice guys but real IT geeks, Anthony and Andrea, devout christians from the US of A who are living and teaching in China and do not drink, smoke, swear and were virgins at marriage - I felt compelled to ask them if they were virgins, I don't know why, I just did.
Our guide was Kai (which in Thai means chicken!), a top guy who loves English footy and loves to sing Bob Marley songs.

Thr first part of the trek was an elephant ride. To be honest, it was boring, there was nothing to see apart from every single elephant using our hour slot as toilet time. Also, it turned out that my elephant was pregnant which made me feel quite guilty.
After the ride we had lunch and then set off on our trek. I say trek, it was more a gentle amble through the forest and a climb up some steep hills, although climbing over the rocks and boulders along the river was good fun. All in all we walked for about 3/4 hours and it wasn't difficult but I was sweating out a serious amount of alcohol in the afternoon sun.
We reached our home for the night at about 5pm, a village up in the hills not too far from the Burmese border - it seems I am destined to visit the place after my late night walk a few nights before.
The location was beautiful and the sunset was probably one of my best yet. The sky looked as if it was on fire over the high hills.
The whole group was to spend the night in the same room, a bamboo hut.
Our evening consisted of a great meal, followed by beers (for some of us) and Kai producing a guitar and belting out a few classics around the campfire underneath a sky full of stars.
When I say belting out a few classics, I mean he would start the song, sing the first few lyrics, maybe a chorus and then finish as he didn't know anymore words. It seemed that it was infectious because when we tried to help out we too ended after the first chorus!
At about midnight we settled for the night. I was next to Lieve, my beautiful Dutch friend, but when I awoke the next morning she was nowhere to be seen. I sat up and saw her at the far end of the hut. I didn't need to wonder why she had moved, with dread in stomach I knew - I had been snoring!!!
I got up quite sheepishly and headed for breakfast thinking it best not to say anything. As we were eating our breakfast, my now good friend Pete, a Kiwi living in Oz who I will be hanging around with when I am there, piped up and said that he had had a great sleep as he was so drunk and it was good that we had no snorers in the group.
Well, you can imagine how I felt. My head went down as a number of eyes turned my way as people protested in response to Pete's comment. It was the first time that I have been compared to a bear, but that is what Lieve thought had gotten into the hut that night.
I just apologised and explained that when I am lacking sleep (as I got smashed the night before) my snoring is bad. What else could I say? Sorry would have to do.
What I wanted to say was that every good traveller takes ear plugs away with them; but I didn't.

So feeling like the social lepor we set off on trek day number 2. This day consisted of little walking but 2 swimming sessions at waterfalls that we passed along the way.
The scenery was lovely but again it was just too easy really, I was keen to to some real exercise. I guess after Nepal, any trek may seem easy?
We got to our next village at a similar time and the first thing was to choose our beds (all in the same room!). I shared a double mattress with Pete because I knew he would pass out but I did hear a groan of despair from Anthony when he realised he would be on my other side. By this time I didn't care, I really liked the Yanks, but they are Yanks after all so a little bit of snoring is my punishment to them.

Our evening meal was Frank's time to shine. Frank is my age and from Canada. There is one major difference between us - Frank and his dad can afford to pay Paris Hilton $200,000 to make an appearance at their nightclub in Vancouver, and I don't have a job!
So he told us all about the club and his life and then his hobbies - this is where it got interesting.
One hobby is that it takes part in illegal road races in the dead of night. He is a motorbike fanatic but this race also involves Ferrari's Lamborghini's etc. They race over a distance that takes the average person 3 hours to complete, Frank's top time was 45 mins with his suped up bike. He has won the race a number of times which is quite nice as everyone has to pay $1,000 to enter - winner takes all.
It was good to listen to this story but it was his other hobby which has the whole table sitting there with open mouths.
He is a World War 2 fanatic. He has a collection of numerous Nazi memorbilia, including uniforms and guns. He also has a crate of grenades which he is not sure if they still work or not.
Then he told us about he prized possession. An actual Jewish POW uniform from Aushwitz, and to quote him "it actually still smells of death". WTF!

I asked him where he keeps all of this stuff, hoping it would be in the attic or a museum, but no, he has basement where he goes to enjoy it all!
Don't get me wrong, Frank was a legend, his chat about birds around the campfire later when it was just the boys drinking and then giving us all a lesson in self defence under the stars was both hillarious and quite an homo-erotic scene, but if I make it to Canada and go the visit him I am staying well clear of the basement. With my 1/4 Jewish heritage I could find myself encased in a glass cabinet wearing that uniform for authenticity reasons.

So that was the trek. Our final morning was spent white water rafting and then taking it easy on a bamboo raft down the river. There was not a lot of white water, but considering it was my first time and I was at the front it was probably for the best. However, I definitely want to give it another go, what little action there was, was very exciting.

After that, it was lunch and back to Chiang Mai and out again with the crew.
There was a food festival on that night so we all ventured there with the new people that had arrived at the hostel and proceeded to try different foods and get drunk.
It was really good fun, especially when myself, Pete, Lieve and Rachael found the trampolines and bouncy castle. After much begging they agreed to let 4 drunken westerners join the Thai kids to make fools of ourselves. I actaully still have burns on my elbows now from tackling the bouncy castle slides too enthusiastically.
A nice 6am finish followed which wrecked my next day. There is nothing worse than getting back to a hostel room to find a Dutch guy you only met the night before in your bed. Fortunately Rachael got up early and she let me have her bed.

After wasting a day and going out again the next night it was time to leave for Laos.
Although I must just tell you about one incident from my last night out in Chiang Mai. We all met in the Rooftop Bar again and there was a new face in the group. He ended up sitting next to Rachael as he was a fellow Yank and wanted to bore her about some thing or another. After about 30 mins or so he turned to me and said:
"A rock has no world, a bird has no world, a human has a world. Discuss".
I am not usually rude to people but I just stared at him perplexed and then stared at Rachael who raised her eyebrowns at me. I told him I was not going to respond to that statement and started talking to someone else. What a complete tool.
Anyway, in my opinion the simple answer is a human has self-awareness therefore has a perspective of its 'own world', the rock and the bird has no sense of 'self' so are not self aware. So take that Yank.

So the plan for Laos would be to take a bus to the border, spend the night there, cross over to the Laos the next morning and then take the slow boat down the Mekong River for 2 days to Luang Probang.
From the hostel myself, Pete, Kaitlin, Lieve, Willem (the Dutch guy from my bed) and Rachael embarked on this journey and on the bus I would meet Nolh (from London) and at the border Clemens (from Germany) who would also become really good friends over the next week or so.
There isn't much to say about our stay at the border town except that over the river we could see Laos, our destination, and we got drunk that night by playing drinking games.

The next morning we were up bright and early. Getting into Laos was a bit of a hassle. Nobody had visas so it was a case of crossing over the Mekong river getting to immigration and then waiting whilst about 200 people get their visas processed. All in all it was 5 hours from breakfast until we got onto the slow boat and got going.
However, during that time I became a very rich man in Laos terms. I exchanged what Thai Baht I had into Laos Kip. I was very surprised to be handed over 2 million kip and I am not lying when I say that I couldn't close my wallet. I had so many notes that I had a vision of getting to my hotel room later that night, chucking it all on the bed and sleeping in it, naked, or diving into it like I was in Duck Tales.

When it was finally time to board the boat myself, Nolh, Willem and Clemens has one thing in mind - we had 2 days on a boat to drink and have fun, therefore, we need to sit next to some girls. So that is what we did.
We sat next to 4 girls from Oz, all of them seriously attractive, and spent the next 2 days on the boat drinking, playing cards and just hanging out with them. They were only 20 / 21 yrs old so must've wondered what they were doing with these old men (just bad luck I am afraid), but we all got on very well and would spend time together over the next 5 days in 3 different places.
After the first day on the boat we stayed over at a village called Pakbeng. The good thing about being on a boat with about 200 people for 2 days is that you get to know faces, so when you are in a little village like this you can talk to anyone. Us boys and the Oz girls went out for dinner and then had a few drinks down by the river before retiring for the night.
The next day on the boat followed much the same pattern. The scenery got more interesting though as the boat floated down the river through the jungle and past the mountains. It really did make me question which country I found more breathtaking out of Laos and Nepal, that's how spectacular it was.

One other thing to mention about the boat is that on the second day there were some people around in a really bad way. You can buy virtually anything in terms of drugs in Laos and there were a lot of people partaking in a big way.
I met a few people that lost a number of days in opium dens - happy to say that I was not one of them.

After 9 hours on the slow boat in day number 2 we finally arrived in Luang Probang. 2 of the Oz girls had been here the year before and knew their way around so myself, Nolh and Clemens decided to go with them to their hotel. As for all of my other mates, Luang Probang was a small place so it didn't matter where you went you saw everyone.
Actually I have found Laos to be like that in general. you get to meet a lot of people on the slow boats and everyone is follwoing the same route - the only thing I can compare it to is like walking around campus when you are at uni. It's great.

As we were walking to the hotel we had to take a route through the night market - not an easy task with your backpack as a few browsers found out to their detriment. Myself and Anna (one of the Aussie's) were at the back of the group and were chatting away when we realised we could no longer see anyone else. The long and short of it was 3 hours later after sending out emergency messages on facebook and trying in vain to contact mobile phones we found them and got checked into our hotel.
That night we ventured out to check out the town and found a couple of really nice bars. The only problem with Luang Probang is that everywhere closes at 11:30pm, so it was back to the hotel with my new roomies, Nolh and Clemens.
Our room consisted of 1 single bed and one double. I found myself sharing with a 6ft German man, which didn't bother me but seemed to concern Clemens.
As I was lying in bed, with my arms behind my head Clemens probably delivered the funniest line I have heard so far on my travels. He stood in front of the bed, looked at me and in his German accent declared that; "zis is kind of weird"; looked at me again for a few seconds, shook his head and climbed into bed.
Myself and Nolh laughed for about 10 mins.

The next morning I had complaint number 2 about my snoring! Today I was compared to a motorcycle.

We used this day to explore the sights of Luang Probang, which I have to say is a very beautiful town if a little quiet. The town is situated on a strip of land that is surrounded by 2 rivers, palm trees everywhere and lovely french-indochinese architecture (I stole that last bit from the Lonely Planet). Walking around you never would've thought you were in Laos.
The first thing we did was to cross a rickety bamboo bridge to walk over to a point where the Mekon and Nam Kham rivers meet. There was a bar ideally placed at this point so we had a beer and sat on the rocks taking in the view - 2 rivers colliding, local fisherman going about their business, under a blue sky with a backdrop of green mountains.
I am really happy that I am still not taking anything for granted on my travels and can still appreciate how fortunate I am to be in these amazing locations.

After the beer we visited a local village (quite boring), crossed back over the bamboo bridge and went to visit the supposedly best temple in the whole of Laos. It was a nice temple but as you know I have seen dozens of temples now so it was no more special than many of the others.
After lunch we crossed another bamboo bridge and ventured down to a riverside beach. As expected, there were plenty of people down there who we knew.

Later on that afternoon I walked past a dog in an army vest. I am not sure why all dogs wear clothes in SE Asia but I thought he looked pretty hard until I realised that he had hiccups and then he just looked a complete fool. Stupid hiccuping dog thinking he is in the army! It was a nice vest though.

In evening it was the same routine of drinking and meeting up with the Oz girls. However before going out we did climb up the Phou Si, a temple atop a hill, to take in the sunset over the Mekon river and the mountains. It would've been breathtaking if you didn't have to share the view with about 300 other people.

The second full day brought my final snoring complaint. Today I was promoted to a Triceritops (quite impressive me feels).
We had a waster day today. Firstly we booked our bus to take us to the party town of Vang Viang and then we took a walk to a bar that has a swimming pool and hung out there for the day.
That night one of Nolh's mates arrived on the slow boat and Dave would become part of the group for the next few days - a proper top lad.

So that was our stay in Luang Probang - a quiet place by my standards but really lovely all the same. I didn't know what to expect from Laos, I maybe thought it would be quite remote surrounded by jungle (which it sort of is), but this town was civilised, sophisicated, clean to the point of being immaculate and just a pleasure to hang around in for 3 days.
Now we set off for Vang Viang and the real party - and what a party it was.
We got onto the bus to head there and of course all of our friends happended to be in the same vehicle. There was not one person on there that we didn't know - travelling is a little too incestuous.
The drive was as expected - a good laugh whilst passing through great scenery.

When we arrived at our destination we knew it would be good. It was only 6pm but there were lots of people falling about and in a seriously annebriated state - oh yes, this was my sort of place.
We checked into our hotel and discovered that Nolh has messed up the booking. We now had a room each and a total of 12 beds between 4 of us. Still, no more snoring complaints!!!
The view from my balcony was of a river, a riverside bar with little bamboo huts to chill in, and of course the mountains - the only thing that I think truly gives me peace. I can just stare at them for hours an hours.

Enough of the gayness.

We went out that night to check out the town before we would head tubing the next day. The town itself was a hive of drunkeness and debauchery - in other words, heaven.
In these places for the measly sum of 4 quid you can get a bucket of booze. My favourite is vodka, red bull and sprite. The red bull is here actually illegal in Europe because of all of the stuff in it, but it does the job so I am a fan.
In the aptly named 'Bucket Bar' I was standing around minding my own business when an Aussie lad walked up to me and pointed and said "India!". It took me a moment to recognise him but he was a lad that I spent a drunken Diwali with in Mumbia exactly 3 mths to the day earlier. What made it even more random is that he had actually been back to Oz to earn more money to continue travelling, so to see him in a bar 3 countires and 3 mths later was crazy.
We had a good catch up before he was carried out because he had passed out drunk. It didn't matter as I would see him tubing over the next couple of days.
The next day was tubing day. The reason people come to Vang Viang is to hire a tractor innertube, jump into the river and float down it stopping at the various bars along the way.
The best tip I received was not to bother with the tube because no-one really makes it past bar number 5 and it is all within 5 mins walk of each other.
We jumped into a tuk tuk and headed for the river. As we arrived free shots of whisky were handed out and the party began.
I don't think I can do it all justice by trying to explain it here. Essentially it is like this:
bamboo bars by the water, loud music of all genres, water swings (people falling off and getting badly injured because we are all p*ssheads and some are major druggies), water slides, 1000's of people enjoying themselves, you just walk around in a pair of shorts all day and night because you don't want to lose anything, people playing drunken football, walking into every bar and seeing people you know because you met them in Thailand, on the slow baot to Laos or in the previous days tubing (I went 3 days in a row). 
And then once the sun goes down it all changes. The party seems to increase as people dance around fires to tunes like Insomnia by Faithless, under the moon and the stars whilst continuing to consume buckets of whatever they like, it is all quite carnal and I just loved it.
3 days of tubing was more than enough but I had such a great time and met so many brilliant people even if some of them were completely mental.
We met 2 Aregentinian girls on the first day and they became part of our extended group. They were great fun, Toia spoke fluent English (embarrassed again) and Mery had broken English but knew enough to declare myself and her the 'King and Queen of the River' because we tackled all of the water swings together.
As for the water swings - the second one along the river was bloody high. As you fly through the air like a trapeze artist you suddenly realise what you are doing. Once you let go you just have the pray that you make a decent entrance or else the crowds watching (and throwing ice cubes at you) will take great pleasure in mocking you. Once you get out you are alive with adrenalin and all of a sudden the weariness of the booze disappears and you know it's time for another bucket. Whhhooooooo-hooooooooo.

As usual with me, one of my swings did not pass without incident. Once you enter river the current can be quite strong, so workers at the bars throw in plastic bottles attached to a rope for you to grab onto and they pull you in.
So the worker throws the bottle to me and it hit my right on the nose and split it. All I could see was claret.
What was worse was the geezer who throw the bottle then indicated that I must've hit it on a rock when falling into the water! Cheeky git.
Once I was out, Mery Queen of the River came to my aid and helped to stem the flow of blood. It wasn't a bad cut but when you are wet it just doesn't stop bleeding.
About 20mtrs away, Nolh saw my predicament from atop a bamboo platform and thought it would be funny to throw an ice cube at me. I am not joking when I say that I watched it sail towards me in slow motion and it hit me exactly on the cut and split it open again. There was nothing I could do except to go up to him and congratulate him on such a great shot and to try to stop the flow of blood.

So that was tubing. You really need to be in it to realise what it is truly like but it made me feel like an excited kid again on my first ventures to Ibiza at 18yrs with the lads - mind you it could be all of the 'goods' in the red bull that made me feel that way.
I had a great time with my friends, Nolh, Dave, Clemens, Peter, Lieve and the rest of team Holland, Toia and Mery, queen and princess of the river, Tom, Tom Tom (amazingly funny bloke from England and as camp as you like), the 4 Oz girls, Elander and Laura, let alone all of the other 'faces' including a guy who pooed himself and another guy who had 2 mushroom shakes and then took 64 valium to counteract the effect - that is one mental dude.

After 4 days in Vang Viang I said my goodbyes to everyone and headed to the capital Vientiane which is where I am now. I had to leave because I go back to Bangkok tomorrow to meet a very good friend from Norway who is here for 2 wks. We will travel around the south islands together and I dare say that I will fall in love with those as well. The problem with the islands is that the parties are even more crazy, so who knows what state I will be in after those 2 wks with Unni. Oh well, someone has to do it.

I don't have much to say about the capital, it is a bit boring, but I did have a good night out last night with Peter, Lieve, Elander, Laura and Dave who had just turned up.
We ventured various hooker bars and I got touched up by a man - I wouldn't mind but he hadn't even made the effort to be a lady boy.

I was also told by Lieve last night, who is 18yrs old, Dutch and beautiful that she loves me but I am far too old for her! Ha ha, how nice is that? It's all good though, I have hung around with her for about 3 wks now and it is amazing in that space of time how close you become to people, so I see her as a really good mate, even like a little sister (don't worry Beck, you are still number one).
Still, we have agreed to marry in 7 yrs when she is 25 and I will still be a young 38!!! That is scary.

So that is that. Back to Thailand tomorrow.
I can't believe that I have been travelling for just over 4 mths now. It has flown by and in 1 months time I will be landing in Oz to be greeted by my 4 favourite Oz girls at the airport to then embark on a girls weekend out in Sydney.
How time flys when you truly are having fun!

I will be your wingman

Sawat dii khrap from Chiang Mai, north Thailand.

First thing to say is I love the Thai language. For politeness you end every sentence with the word khrap if you are a male. I get to say Khrap to people about 20 times a day - oh the small pleasures I take from life!

So after my last post I spent my final night in Pattaya, I had to get out of there, it was not good for my health or my wallet. My final night was the same as all of the rest - out at 8pm, drink, party and get in at a ridiculous hour.
I finally surfaced at about 2pm the next day and decided that I should be off. So I got myself off to the bus station knowing that I wanted to get to Kanchanaburi because it would be a little more peaceful than my current location.
There was no direct route so it was back to Bangkok for a quick change to another bus to Kanchanaburi. I arrived at 9pm and set about finding a place to stay. Walking around I was pleased to see that it was definitely quieter than Pattaya, but there were still lots of attractive Thai girls in bars beckoning me in! Oh no!
That night I just got a bite to eat and then went to bed to catch up on some much needed sleep.

My reason for visiting Kanchanaburi is that it is the home of the Bridge over the River Kwai. The next day I took a stroll down to the bridge, which isn't that impressive but it is obviously what it represents that is important, with the intention of getting onto the 'Death Railway' and riding along the tracks that the POW's laid all those years ago.
It is called the Death Railway because over 100,000 POW's died during its 2 year construction. An unbelivable number. What is worse, some of them died from attacks by wild animals like tigers - talk about thinking that your situation couldn't get much worse. You are starving, you are a prisoner, your comrades are dying around you from heat, exhaustion, malaria and torture and then after all of that a tiger sneaks up and takes a massive lump out of you!

As I had had a good lay in, I missed the train for that day so was left to wonder around and check out the Death Railway Gallery and Museum - which was truly boring. The best bit was a wall with all of Thailand's beauty queens painted on it from the 1930's to present day - how random.
When I got back to my hotel there was an Oz family moved in next door. Well half of the family. Apparently the 3 sisters had had a massive argument, so the dad and 2 of the girls moved in next to me, and the mum and the other daughter were elsewhere.
It soon became apparent that I would not be spending my time with them. The were full on Bogans (gypo's for us pommies!).
The old man was a alchy and his obese 21 yr old daughter was following his lead. What was worse was that she had lots and lots of scars down her arms and legs - evidently a self harmer. I wanted to no part of her world to be in mine. I talked to them until I had done so for long enough so that it would not be rude for me to leave. I made sure that I didn't see them again.
That night I was missing the party so I thought I would make up for it. Actually, I was walking past a bar and a prostitute who looked like a Thai version of Missy Elliott dragged me in. She was all over me in a second, which was not to my liking. But I had a drink and thought I would use her attention to my advantage; so I got out my Thai guide book and had a little language lesson. After I had learnt all of the words I would need for the rest of my stay in Thailand I kicked her ass at pool and Connect 4.
By this time I had had a few beers and Missy would still not leave me alone. Fortunately, I spotted a group of girls that were laughing at my predicament and used that as an excuse to invite myself over. The 3 girls were from Finland, and it continues to amaze me how good everybody elses English is from different countries.
So the party continued at the pub, then back at their place - a lovely room floating on the river itself, and I finally got into my own bed at 5am.
Not bad after only planning to have 1 beer.
The next day I rose at some hour close to midday and realised I had missed the Death Railway train again. My only option was to take a local bus to the other end of the line and then catch the train back to Kanchanaburi, which I did.
What is worth it? In one word - NO! It was just a standard train journey like every other one. The scenary wasn't particularly spectacular and there wasn't much to look at. Still, full respect to the POW's that managed to build the line that ran all the way to Burma.
That night I just had a nice dinner and retired early as the Finnish girls had departed earlier that day.

The following day I took another local bus and headed to Erawan National Park and in particular the Erawan Waterfall - a 7 tiered waterfall that you climb 1.5kms up to its peak and can swin in the pools of clear blue water.
It was a beautiful location and by the time I had got to the summit my sweat glands were telling me it was time for a swim. I then realised that there was no private area for me to change into my swimming shorts, so I made my way over to a sort of secluded area and did my best not to scare anyone whilst changing under my towel that in all fairness was way too small.
As I made my way back to my bag with my clothes neatly folded I slippped on a rock. My neatly folded clothes were now drenched neatly folded clothes! What can you do? I just had to laugh and lay them out on the sun and hope that they would dry asap.
I got into the water, which wasn't too cold and took in my surroundings. My surroundings were lots more attractive Russian women (nice) and big burly Russian wrestler type men (not so nice). As I was admiring the women I felt something sharpish on my leg; thinking it was some sort of plant I moved about but it kept clinging on. I then realised that it wasn't a plant, it was a big bloody fish feasting on my skin. It freaked me out at first but then I got my composure back and remembered that I had wanted to try a fish foot massage. Here was my chance and it was for free. So I stood there for about 15mins whilst about 4 fish had a wonderful serving of 'leg of Lamb'.

Eventually I made my way back down to the exit of the national park, slipping on more rocks and now wearing still damp boxers.
I got back to Kanchanaburi at about 15:30pm and thought I would pop into the train station to see what my options were as I wanted to move on. Turns out there was a train back to Bangkok and then one onto Chaing Mai (my current location) leaving that night. Problem was it left in 30 mins, so I made a quick dash back to the hotel, got my bag and made the train with time to spare.

The train from Bangkok to Chaing Mai would take 15hours but because I had booked so late there were no beds left. My only option was a second class air conditioned seat. Actually it wasn't as bad as it sounds and I managed to get about 6hrs kip, which was more than enough. I sat next to a fairly attractive girl but she didn't seem to want to talk and because she was reading a German book and my German is scheisse we didn't actually communicate for the entire journey! 15 hrs!!!

So here I am in Chiang Mai. I eventually found a decent hotel in the old part of the city and went for a little look around. No sooner had I been there and I ran into a group of people that I had met 2 months previously in Darjeeling, India. I knew that they were in Thailand but no way expected to run into them. So I hung out with them for the afternoon and they invited me to a Reggae festival that was going on out of town that evening. Perfect - my first night in a new place and I have 3 Irish lads and 2 Danish girls to get drunk with.
The festival itself was a lot of fun. There was only one stage but the music was good and the atmosphere was buzzing. I think it was buzzing because they put stuff in your drinks! I honestly did not drink too much but no way did I feel myself and knew that something was amiss. However, no point freaking out about it, I embraced the feeling and got down and dirty to some top reggae vibes.
Another nice conicedence to happen to me that day was to find that in amongst a few thousand people I was dancing directly behind Rachael. I knew she was in this part of Thailand but was not sure if she was still in Chiang Mai; well now I knew.
Everybody danced well into the night and I eventually got back to my room at about 5am.

Yesterday I did nothing. I still wasn't feeling 100% from whatever it was I had drunk at the festival and it wasn't until about 5pm that I felt normal again (well as normal as I am ever going to be - so not normal by most people's standards).
I met up with Rachael and the guys that she is staying with at her hostel for another night out. All of the people I met through Rachael are really nice and up for a good time. 2 of the lads are from Nottingham and Bromley respectively. Of all the people I could meet, I meet 2 lads, 1 from the city next to my own and the other 15 mins down the road from where I lived in London for 7 yrs. Very very small world.
We met at a bar called the 'Warm Up Bar'. The great thing about this place is that it is where the Thai students hang out and we were the only westerners in there apart from about 4 others. On top of the great live music and nightclub it also turned out to be graduation night for the uni students.
At one point myself, Rachael and a girl called Stacy were walking through the nightclub section and this guy started talking to me. Afterwards the girls commented that he had just groped them as they walked past and there you were chatting to him. I made them feel better by telling them that as he spoke to me, he groped me too, which he had done!!!
The place was heaving with Thai's in celebratory mood.
This brings me onto the title of this post. I cannot get over how beautiful Thai women are, they are simply stunning (sounding like Jeremy Carkson describing any Ferrari).
We all know what being a wingman in England entails - one of you has to take the fall and entertain the fat, ugly or fat AND ugly bird whilst your mate gets the fit one. Nobody likes to do it, but your mates are your mates so you have to.
In Thailand, no drama. If you want to take the fit one I will happily talk to your mate, why?, because she might actually be better. Oh, there are 2 lads in the front of the queue, that's ok, I will talk to the third girl because guess what? I can't decide if she isn't the best one or not. And so it continues.....
I have no idea what happened to the genetics of Britain, but I am definitely over English women (with a few certain exceptions), I could easily see myself with a Thai woman - and not one that I have to pay for!!!
Harsh I know, so please forgive me, but they are beautiful. Maybe it is the sun?

After Warm Up bar the girls went home so it was just the lads moving onto Fabric nightclub. The place was electric too and everybody was in the party mood.
I have just told you about all of the Thai women and my views of them, so it is only fitting that I tell you about some of the attention I got at Fabric. I can't remember HIS name but he was as camp as you like. Why why why does this happen to me? That is the last time I use Thai language and tell a gay guy that it is nice to meet him, he loved it.
The rest of the lads disappeared at some point that I don't remember so I was left chatting to some Thai girls about this and that.
All of a sudden the girl who sat next to me on the train appeared. She saw me and came straight up to me and apologised for not talking to me. So she wasn't a mute afterall, and she was French, not German. So we spent the rest of the night talking back and forth, me with my crap French and her with her perfect English.

In the end it was time for home and I decided to walk. Why I decided to walk when I had no clue at all where I was is beyond me, but off I set.
I managed to get some directions and when I saw the walls to the old city I was very pleased with myself that I had made it.
I popped into the 7 Eleven for a snack before the final stretch. I love 7 Eleven, they really are a drunk man's best friend. They are open 24/7 (so no idea why they are called 7/11) and you can get whatever it is that you desire at 5:30am when you are p*ssed. You want a pot noodle, you got it (they have hot water too); you want a ham and cheese toasty, here have one, you want an assortment of sausages from chilli, to wrapped in bacon, to ones filled with cheese, here you go, get your gob around that. I love it!

Part of the reason I went into the 7 Eleven was due to the fact that a prostitute kept hassling me for some 'fun'. I don't know why, but a prostitute hassling me whilst she is on her moped is hillarious. She was the one kerb crawling!
She would not take no for answer but I stuck to my guns. Besides when I saw her under a street light I couldn't be sure if she was in fact a bird or not.
Because I was disorientated from the beginning and now from outrunning the he/she I failed to notice that once I had past through the city walls into the old city that I was not actually in the old city at all. It was another 30 mins walking until I realised to my horror that I had not entered the old city, I had in fact left it. I was heading west into the unknown and give it a few more hours walking and I would've got to Burma (seriously).
So I had to cave in and get a cab. By the time the drama was over I got into bed at 6:30am this morning.

Today I again have just mooched around. I did manage to get some prices for trekking so the day after tomorrow myself and Rachael will embark upon a 3 day trek which includes elephant rides, visiting hill tribes and rafting down the rivers. All of that, plus food for about 20 quid.
I also visited the Wat Phrung Singh which I have to say is probably one of the best temples I have been to so far on my travels. I was dubious about going to see another temple but I am very happy that I did this one.

On the walk back I noticed a sign for the 'Prawn Legal Office'. Excuse me, the what?
Immediately I had visions of little prawns turning up at the office complaining about their rights, something along the lines of 'No more prawn cocktails!, this is not a 1980's English dinner party and we are teaming up with the Black Forest Gatteau to say NO MORE!!!'. Or something like that.
So that is that, you are up to date. I will be back out tonight with Rachael and the gang and will see if the Irish crew want to go to the zoo tomorrow.
I am still loving travelling even though I got lost for the very first time in 3 months last night.
I am also reading 'Notes from a small island' by Bill Bryson at the minute and it is really funny. I keep laughing out loud in restuarants. I recommend that you all read it - an American's view of England and the English. It also made me quite emotional reading about 'home' but have no fear, I am not coming back just yet.

As after though, I wonder what they would've thought at the Burmese border if I had turned up asking if they knew where the VS Hotel was?

I am in the sex capital of Thailand and probably the world. My conclusions - I need to learn Russian!

I have made it to Thailand, country number 3 of the tour and I am now just over 3 months and 1 week into my travels. It is fair to say that I am settling into it all really well and I have no idea if I will ever be able to get back into a 'normal' life again. I think we will move on from that though as I still have 18 months until I need to seriously think about that, so back to the present.

My last few days in Nepal were uneventful apart from going to the cinema to watch a Bollywood film with Jennie, a girl I met through Rachael, and then also spending one day confined to my room with a Delhi belly!
I left Nepal on Jan 12th and my flight to Bangkok included an 18hr stop over in Delhi - my most hated city in the world to date.
However, as I am now more travel savy and have spent close to 2 mths in India I decided to face up to Delhi head on and give it another go. I had time to kill afterall.
I landed in Delhi at 17:30pm raring to go and at 18:30pm I was still stood at the baggage corousel wondering where the hell my bag was. As everything in India is done in its own time it wasn't until 19:30pm that I was told that my bag had been transferred to the holding bay for the next flight to Bangkok. I had no issue with this but it would've been nice if I was told this in Kathmandu and hadn't wasted nearly 2 hours.
In a way this was much more convinient for me as now it was just me and my 'man bag' so I made my way to the metro station to hit Delhi large only to discover that it was closed! My only choices were to get an expensive taxi to and from the airport into the city or just wait it out until 12:30pm the next day for my flight. In the end I chose the latter purely down to money and the now lack of quality time.
I headed to the departures to get some food and to try and have a kip to find out that I was locked out. The stupid regulations were that because I was flying the next day I would not be able to enter Departures until 7am - it was still 8pm!
So I did the sensible thing and blagged my way back into Arrivals with some crap story and it somehow worked.
So that was that, I found a nice little section that was out of the way and lay across 4 chairs for a 'good' nights sleep. I can't say that it was the most comfortable night as the chairs were about 30cm apart so I had to position myself very carefully.
I eventually got the sleep at about 11:30pm praying that I would stay asleep so the morning would be here quickly. I awoke 3 times feeling that I had at least had some deep sleep and was dismayed to look at my watch each time and it read 12am, 12:10am and 12:20am respectively. Aaaaggggghhhhhh.
At the last time check I was convinced that this was just all bullsh*t and no way could it still only be 12:20am. I did a sanity check on my phone and my heart lept when it read 5:45am. My watch needed winding up!
So with a spring in my step and 6hrs kip behind me I got up and made my way to Departures at 7am.
As expected I was first at the check in and just wanted to get through and get on my plane. I handed over my passport was then asked where was my luggage to check in. I told them that they already had it and they should know that but apparently that didn't go down too well. I was sent back and forth between the check-in employee and the supervisor with each one telling me something different. After the 3rd time of meeting the supervisor my patience was wearing a little thin and there was still no guarantee that I would ever see my bag again. In the end they did what they should've done in the first place and went to check if it was actually there and it was.
So that was that, I was on the plane and out of Delhi and based on my airport experience it is still my most hated city in the world.

Onto Thailand and Bangkok. I arrived early evening and jumped onto a bus heading for Khao San Road. I had done no research what so ever and had no idea where I was going. I only headed to Khao San Road because the Oz girls said it was lively.
The bus dropped me off at my destination and I was greeted with bright lights, drunk people, masses of street vendors selling all sorts of food, including roasted and fried insects (which I am still yet to try) and female flesh! After 3mths in conservative countries, India and Nepal, it was a real shock to see Thai and Western women in next to nothing out on the lash. This is going to shock you all but I didn't like it. I had grown accumstomed to women having some respect for themselves and dressing and behaving appropiately and this just seemed degrading.
I have just read this back and I am shocked and appalled at myself. Don't worry, things will be back to normal as you read on and as I am typing this sentence a very attractive Thai woman has sat opposite me in next to nothing and yes I am looking!!
I guess it was just strange to be confronted with this all again after hardly any sight of flesh in such a long time.
I took a walk around and found a relatively cheap hotel room in the middle of all of the action. I dropped my bag off, had a quick shower and went out to soak it all in. I did what I am best at - I got drunk.

The next day I awoke and considered what to do with myself. I had been in Bangkok for literally 16hrs but I decided to leave and head for the beach.
Part of my reason for this decision is that a friend from Norway is coming over to Thailand to meet me in about 4wks time so I figured that I would come back to Bangkok then and do all of the touristy stuff with her. Plus, I really don't want to see yet another temple or religious momument so soon after India and Nepal.

I googled Thailand beach resorts and up came Pattaya - the world's sex capital. It was a no brainer really and this where I am writing this post from.
Another reason I chose to head here is because the Rough Guide ommitted it from its book as it refused to discuss such a place - how could I not possibly check it out!
I headed over to the bus terminal, paid my 91 baht (about 2 quid) and enjoyed the 4 hr bus trip to Pattaya with the locals. At one time being the only westerner on a packed bus in another country would have been a little daunting but I really enjoy it now - it is that reality check that you really are here and you are travelling around far flung places. I bloody love it.

As with Bangkok I got off the bus at Pattaya when the driver told me it was my stop (who knows?) and again had done no research at all. I did the logical thing and acted like a moth - headed to where the bright lights were. That is what I do these days to find out where I need to go - flourescent lights means fun in my mind.
After walking around for about 30mins and not seeing a lot in terms of accomodation I decided to head to a bar to ask for advice. It never even occured to me that the red lights in the bar meant anything other than decoration as all I wanted to do was a have a beer and get my bag off of my back, but my life soon changed for the better.
I was greeted by a number of very enthusiastic girls (as is the case in every single bar - there must be 1000's of prostitutes here) and sat down at the bar.
There I got talking to an English bloke and he was a great source of information. 7 trips in the last 2 years would confirm this! I am now into my 5th day here and he has been my drinking partner every night!
I won't go into detail about him to protect the 'innocent', and the fact is that he is now a good friend as well.
I also have to consider the whole 6 degrees of separation thing, which some people now say is only 3 degrees. I would hate to stitch him up by naming him etc and then someone reading this tells someone else and so on. Highly unlikely I know but it is best to play safe - a key phrase for Pattaya too.
So for the rest of this post he will be referred to as X. I will only say that he is 55yrs old, which makes him part of the average population of tourists here.

There is not much to say about my activities during the day times here in Pattaya because I have hardly seen them. I can tell you that the beach isn't the best but is packed with old English men sunning themselves with their Thai lady friends as well as a very high number of Russians, both men and women and in couples.
The nightlife is what rules my life. I have the same routine which is to start boozing at 8pm when I meet X at the bar I met him in the very first night. He is 'dating' the bar owner for the 2wks that he is here and he dated her on his last trip too, so it ends up being the 3 of us out for the night. Jan, the bar owner, is one of the nicest people I have met and it helps that she is very attractive as well as being very funny. I can see why X has fallen for her.
I also like going to the bar because as I approach every night all I can here is 'Adam' being shouted out down the road in a Thai accent by all of the girls. It never fails to make me laugh. They are all actually really good fun as well and love Sambucca like me. They do lavish me with lots of attention too but it is all harmless fun.

So every night has been the same. Start at 8pm, drink at my 'local' and then about 11pm move on down Beach Road (along the sea front) and head to Walking Street - probably one of the best streets for a night out in the world. Along this street there are hundreds of bars, ping pong clubs, go go girl clubs, nightclubs, live bands, street entertainers etc. It is just mental. Add to this that literally every girl that you look at can be yours if she is not already taken and you can imagine my wide-eyed childlike look of joy on my face during my first night there.
So far in my 4 nights I have had a 5am, 8:30am, 4am and 7:30am finish respectively - which is why I haven't seen much of the day times.

I need to try and describe to you my observations of Pattaya but it really is very difficult to do. You just have to see it to believe it.
The first thing I will stress is that in no way is it seedy. Seedy would be if things went on down back alleys and people were sneaking about. This is pure sex in your face. If you have an issue with sex is any guise then Pattaya is not for you, simple as that.

So the way it works is this: (I also now have all of the inside information from chatting to Jan so I know exactly how much each girl makes and how she makes her money). This is part of the reason why I love to immerse myself with the locals and not just the tourists - it gives you a real view of the life and how things work and is just interesting.
Back to how it works - Lamby's guide to Pattaya for all you men who are thinking of coming over:

Every bar has a number of women working for them. As you walk down the street they will do their best to get you in - this can be a friendly approach or just shouting to get your attention which phrases such as 'hey sexy man' - you get the gist.
You can just go into the bar of your own free accord and then the women will come and sit with you and chat to you (and expect a drink).
If you like the bird, you take her. It costs 300 baht to buy out her 'bar' fee and then 1000 baht to the lady herself. So all in all, about 26 quid for her company for 12hrs - a bargain.
There are also your standard brothels and massage parlours too.

You also have the option of buying a woman to accompany you for however long you desire. This is the bit that I don't get but it is also the most popular thing to do it seems.
A massive percentage of the tourist population here are men aged 40 - 60yrs old and all you see everyday wherever you look are these men with their 'girlfriends'. They are walking down the street arm in arm, stroking each others' hair and acting as though they are in love.
As I said, I personally don't get it. If you want to have fun with an extremely attractive girl (which the vast majoirity are) then fine, just pay for the night. Why on earth would you then want to spend all day with her making small talk in broken English and paying for all of her meals and drinks - no thanks love.
I was trying to talk to a girl last night but her English was no existent like my Thai, so she got our her little guide book to point at phrases.
I promise you that the title of the book was 'Get quick rich English'. It was brilliant reading. It had various sections to do with life, love, sex etc. Some examples: 'I want to marry you', 'I have little education', 'I don't like working in this bar', 'Do you love me', 'Did you cum' (sorry mum) (also not sure why you would need to ask that, should be obvious), 'I don't love you anymore', 'You are an arsehole' and so on. Hilarious.

One thing that I have noticed is that I am one of the younger people here. As a result and the fact that I have my own hair, teeth and do not have a massive beer gut (frequent sight) I get a lot of attention. I even catch a lot of the Thai women who are already with a man staring at me. I don't mean this in any sort of arrogant way, it is just that some of the men here have really let themselves go.
But saying that, some girls I have talked to will only go with older men - why? - because the sex is over very quickly and they can go to sleep, whereas young men are more energetic and so they have to work harder for their money.
You really need to come here and experience this place. It is just crazy crazy crazy.

Then there is the subject of the ladyboys. One word to describe most of them is 'beautiful', another word to describe some of them is 'scary'. I am not sure how people mistake them because as soon as they speak it is obvious and you can just tell if you look hard enough - bone structure, shoulders and arms etc.
I reckon those that say they didn't know just got last minute nerves.
It is odd seeing the sort of men who are 'dating' them though. You can tell that at home they are not the sort of bloke who is homosexual, they all seem to be quite manly men. I guess they are just curious and maybe bisexual but won't admit to it.
I did see one 'girl' the other night who really caught my attention but I just wasn't sure what they were. Fortunately, myself, X and Jan were passing on my way to another bar so I didn't need to find out. Ha ha.

So that is that. There is so much more I could tell you about, such as the women love to hussle you at pool and Connect 4 (I thought I was good at that game until I came here), the Thai boxing that takes place in a ring in the middle of some bars, certain bars where you are allowed to pay to spank women (not sure why Jan took us there), bars where the women are having a soapy bath, bars where women descend on fireman poles from the ceiling and just appear on stage as if by magic......and so on.

And so we come to the Russian women. I do not know why there are so many here and if they are prostitutes as well or just holidaymakers. I don't know because I cannot speak Russian but I need to learn. The other night I saw a dream type woman. Russian, tall, blonde, blue eyes, curvy, just fantastic! They all seem to be stunning and my world travels will take me back via Eastern Europe - I have just decided that right now.

I am planning to leave tomorrow as I am spending too much money here on drinking. The drinks are UK prices and the partying is eating into my budget, so I need to go before I stitch myself up.
I am going to head north and get back to the real world (well my real travelling world) and get back into the mountains. As much as I talk very enthusiastically about this place, I am really missing Nepal and the Himalayas and want to be back in that world, not this one.

I am also going to defend all of these older men that are here and 'dating' these young Thai women. If I am single in my 50's and have a beer gut (please no) and lose a limb in an accident or are burned in a fire (I say that because I have literally seen all sorts out here) then why would I not come and get some sort of satisfaction out here. Women in the UK and Western world can be very judgemental and superficial (as are men too) where as here they can get the attention they need and are made to feel special by the women. They also get sex when they want it and do not have to go through the whole 'headache' scenario.
All I can is 'Rock on old English dudes!'

Finally I guess I should add that a lot of people would not declare that they are in such a place as this, especially on their blog, but I don't care. I have not said that I have done anything or not, and even if I did protest my innocence you would not believe me, so it is up to you to believe what you like. This is my forum to let you all know about the sights and experiences that I take in on my world travels and I could not not share this place with you all. I have never seen anything like it.
I imagine that Thailand holds much more similar desitinations that I will pass on my way around - who knows?

Bye for now, I am off out to get smashed - again!

What to do in Kathmandu? I know, get on with the partying and get smashed!

Hello everyone. This will be my last post from amazing Nepal as I will be moving onto Thailand in 4 days time - I am not sure what Thailand will bring but I am thinking debauchery in every possible way!

So back to Nepal and my activities over the past couple of weeks. I am can sum it all up very quickly - sightseeing and partying with my Australian homegirls with whom I have spent the last 10 days.
My last post was on Boxing Day and in the 2 days that followed not much happened. I just hung around in Pokhara, caught up with some friends and attended the Pokhara street festival, which was nice but nothing special.
My aim was to get to Kathmandu for NYE to catch up with the Aussie girls but I was recommended a small place called Bandipur that lies on the way there so decided to visit that first. By pure conicedence it turned out that that was where the girls currently were so it all worked out nicely.
Bandipur is a really nice little town situated up in the hills with great views of the Himalayan range and the best bit about it is that no cars are allowed through the place - something you really learn to appreciate over here.
So I arrived mid-morning to be greeted by friendly faces and checked into the girl's hotel. The rest of the day was spent walking around, climbing hills for the views and not doing much else.
There was a cave that I really wanted to explore, the largest in the Himalayas and only discovered 23 years ago (which is crazy), but the girls had attempted to venture down there the day before and the route was apparently very dangerous and slippy. I thought this was just standard girl talk and all would be well when a real man such as myself attempted it in an Indianna Jones t-shirt but later in the day I saw this Dutch guy who I had met on the bus and he showed me the lack of skin on his arms where he had visisted the caves and slipped down all of the steps! ha ha. Maybe it is just as well that I didn't have the time to do it.
The only other thing worth mentioning about Bandipur was the sunset. It was probably the most spectacular one I have seen to date. Each mountain seemed to have its own unique cloud situated above it in the shape of a mushroom cloud (seen after a nuclear explosion); combine this with the reds and oranges of the sunset and it was an inspiring sight.

I only spent one night in Bandipur and it was enough to be honest, there wasn't lots to do. Also it was now the 30th of Dec so off to Kathmandu to scope out a suitable location to get on it for NYE.
I was expecting to get the local bus, but as the girls are on holiday and therefore have a much bigger budget than myself, I found myself in a luxury jeep for the 5 hour road trip to the capital.
I was in the boot with the bags but it was all good and there was a seat!
We arrived in Kathmandu late afternoon and as we approached the city I was greeted with a view of the Kathmandu Valley - erm, the view in Kathmandu Valley is smog! You cannot see sh*t! Pollution-ville.

Kathmandu is a bustling place and is manic. You share the streets with cars, motorcycles, dogs and lots of people and whoever is the most assertive gets the right of way. Still, after experiencing India it isn't all that bad and it was nice to be back in a busy environment after my weeks in the mountains, jungles and more laid back areas of Nepal. Saying that, I still yearn to get back to the mountains and will return one day as the Everest trek still needs to be conquered.
We found a hotel in the area of Thamal - which I guess can be described as the more touristy area of Kathmandu. As we checked in the subject of rooms came up. In total there were 5 of us so I just expected to get a single for myself, but before I knew it I was in a triple with 2 of the girls - sweet!

My first evening in Kathmandu was spent alone! After a quick meal the girls declared that they were going to check out the shops (a reoccuring theme throughout our stay here). I could not think of any worse way to spend my time so told them I was going to explore the city and try to find the drinking areas so we had a POA for NYE.
I spent 2 hours walking the streets of the city and by chance happened to pass lots of the major sightseeing attractions but no bars (I was getting worried). I headed back to the general area of our hotel and there right behind our place was the street I had been looking for, the street of my dreams. This street had restaurants, bars, lots of live music (a must for me) and was generally buzzing. So that was that, we now knew where NYE would be spent - and even better, we could crawl home if need be.

For NYE day we embarked upon the walking tour of Kathmandu. The tour took in numerous temples (I am completely 'templed' out now after Nepal and India) and finished in Durbar (which translates to Palace) Square. I only mention the translation because there is a Durbar Square in every city in the Kathmandu Valley and this perplexed me a little, so I needed to know what the score was.
Durbar Square is where the kings of the past would be crowned and from where they ruled. The whole square is very impressive and it was nice to see the buildings in the style of how I always imagined they would be when I used to daydream of visiting Nepal.
So that was the day, now onto the night!

To start our NYE celebrations we went out for dinner at this cool little Mexican restaurant. There was myself, the Aussies (Arancha, Josie, Nadia and Shahn), (girls - the names are not in order of preference, just alphabetical!!!), and we were also joined by Rachael (my friend who I met in India and have mentioned in previous posts).
NYE with 5 girls - just perfect really.
By the time we left the restaurant I was fully aware that I had had a drink but I was feeling good and had that lovely beer buzz.
From there it was onto an Irish Bar (why is there an Irish Bar in every city of the world?) for shots and more booze. Here we were joined by John, a guy from Oz who the girls had met in Pokhara and so our group for the rest of the night was complete.
At about 10:30pm we realised that the Irish Bar was not going to be a suitable venue to celebrate the stroke of midnight so we ventured elsewhere. First was to check out some dingy club which looked promising but as soon as I heard those silky vocals from a certain Justin Beiber I demanded that we left the gaff.
We ended up in the Shisha Terrace Cafe and Bar - which was perfect. A great blend of drunken Nepalese and Western toursits.
This was when the real drinking began and all that there is to say about the rest of the night is that we drank, we danced, we laughed, we sang and all in all it was bloody brilliant fun.
The night ended at approximately 3:30am when the Nepalese authorities decided that the curfew (which is usually midnight) should begin. The way that Nepal enforces a curfew is to send in armed soldiers, turn off the music and tell everyone to be on their way. It sounds quite shocking but as I have been out for a few nights now in Nepal it just becomes part of the experience, and besides, they are all really friendly and polite.

The next morning I awoke to find my roomies in not the best condition. I on the otherhand with my freaky ability to avoid a hangover was up at 8:30am reading (but still intoxicated).
The rest of New Year's Day was spent eating, to feed the hangovers, and relaxing at the Kathmandu Guesthouse, which has a beautiful garden which you can lie in and chill out and not here the hustle and bustle of the streets outside - it has become a bit of a haven for us in the past few days.
It also has a 25 seater cinema and shows a daily film at 8pm. I check the lisitng out every day and unfortunately it is always some dog-poo chick-flick, so I have yet to venture inside.

The 2nd of January saw us back to sightseeing. The 6 of us (me, oz and Rachael) first went to Swayambhunath, otherwise known as the Monkey Temple. This place was really cool and you have to climb up a lot steps (which you share with a lot of monkeys - some aggressive ones too) up to the hilltop to reach the temple itself. Once at the top there is a mish-mash of temples and statues. The view should also have been something special but we have discussed the smog!

From here we moved onto Patan which has its own impressive Durbar Square. We also visited the Patan Museum which is allegedly the best in Asia! I wouldn't agree but you have to love statues and carvings of erotic acts!
I love that every statue in Nepal (human or animal form) always had a massive willy and boobs, and some are painted in pink and red even when the rest of the statue is bare stone. Funny.

Our final stop of the day was to visit the world herritage site of the huge stupa at Bodhnath. For those of you who do not know (I didn't), a stupa is a mound-like structure containing Bhuddist relics, typically the remains of Buddha, used by Buddhists as a place of worship. At this particular stupa there are thousands of pilgrims circumnavigating (clockwise for good luck) it and it was a good sight. However, I have respect for people's unquestioning religious faith but I still don't get it or see what it achieves and never will.

The next day brought a trip firstly to Panauti (which was so boring that I will not talk about it), a bus ride to Banepa where we had lunch with a complete stoner and then we took in a half day trek up to Nagarkot. The trek was nice partly due to the fact that it was good to do some walking again and some excerise.
The girls liked the walk because we past about 30 soldiers out on parade. You should have seen them saying hello to every single one that walked past with his big machine gun - very funny.
The whole reason to trek to Nagarkot was for the views, which are apparently some of the best and you can actually glimpse Everest in the far distance. You will notice that I used the word 'apparently' as the curse of the smog hit again.
Still, a good walk and result of feeling good from the exercise was to get back to Kathmandu and go out drinking. A night out wasn't on the cards but it turned into one of those spontaneous nights that ends up being great fun. This night was also my first contact with a Nepali band called Cobweb. They are seriously one of the best bands I have seen live, so tight, and the lead singer 'Flower' is amazing. Apart from Matt Bellamy (Muse), I am not sure I have seen many musicians play an electric guitar that well, and especially playing some Jimmy Hendrix. He also had the voice to match - very talented guy and band.
I have now been to see them play 3 times in 5 days and they will be in London and Oz soon!

As always when we have a night out (which was becoming a bit of a habit) the next day means eating and hanging out in the Kathmandu Guesthouse garden.

The day after was spent at Bhaktapur. This is one of the towns in the Kathmandu Valley that has been preserved and still is quite ancient in terms of buildings and way of life, and you realise this because of the astronomical entrance fee (in relative terms).
I cannot say that I was overly impressed with the place, the erotic statues are always worth a look and there were some beastiality ones to add to the mix as well but the stand out part of the day for me was watching 2 dogs that had gotten intertwined during the act of copulation. The poor dog had gotten his willy stuck in the bitch (I mean that in the dog sense, although she kept twisting him around so the other sense could also be applicable) and they were both clearly in pain from the yelps they made. What made it worse, or more amsuing for me, was that another dog on heat was trying to have his turn on her at the same time. It was just one big mess.
In the end we just had to leave them. By the way this was going on in the middle of the busiest square in Bhaktapur.

As we had gotten back to Thamal earlier than expected 2 of the girls decided to go for a massage, so I thought I would tag along. I opted for a deep tissue massage and elected to have a bloke do it because I didn't think that a woman would be able to administer the force neccessary to get ride of all of my knots.
I wish I had gone for the woman.
It all started well enough when he was massaging my legs which have been in need of some treatment since my trekking but once he reached my feet he nearly got a kick in the face. My feet are seriously sensitive and when he touched them I kicked out on impulse.
After that the pain started and this bloke had sharp elbows. An elbow over the shin is not nice I can tell you.
You have to bear in mind that this massage was taking place with the use of hot oils which was very relaixng on my back and legs (apart from the odd bit of pain) but when it came to my buttocks and chest......
I like to view myself as one of the most openly minded people I know and I am not homophobic in anyway, but I know that I like women. I have to say that I felt very umcomfortable when hot oil was splashed onto my bum and chest and he start to rub it in.
I mean, seriously, leave them alone man, this is not right!

The evening followed the usual routine of dinner with my homies and then back to the room to just talk about girly stuff with my roomies - which I am very good at now.
There were also the obligatory visits to the jewellery stores to pick up the various items that the girls had acquired. I will not disclose and figures but I am pretty sure one jeweller in Thamal can now retire and buy a streets worth of properties (given that you can buy a house here for 100 quid - which I read in the paper yesterday).
I am glad I made the trip to this particular store because one of the workers had fingers that I can only described in their most basic form as 'cock' fingers. Each digit from the top knuckle upwards was shaped just like the head of a penis - it was hillarious. I bet his wife is happy!

Thursday 6th January was to be our last full day together and the girls were leaving for a shopping trip to Dubai on the 7th.
We spent our last day together doing what any normal group of freinds would do - going to watch some bodies burn.
Like Varansi in India, Kathmandu has a cremation area at a place called Pashupatinath.
All in all this was not my favourite experience of Nepal. As you approach the front gates you have to walk down a path which has a number of lepars on each side begging. It was just awful and some of them were clearly near to the end.
Once inside we were confronted straight away with a cremation. After Varansi I am used to the sights and smells now of burning bodies but it was still an eye opener to see a bodies turned over in front of me and then watch the bodily fluids sizzle and steam.
Made me quite peckish for some barbequed food.

Whilst the girls were petting some puppies (also a frequent occurrence) I took a walk over the bridge to watch another cremation. I stood on the bridge and noticed a little old Nepalese man next to me. I looked a little closer and saw that he was quietly crying and that this cremation was obviously a relative. It is all well and good watching the cremations because it is just a dead body, but to see the personal side of it like that was not nice. All I wanted to do was give him a big hug because he looked to fragile. He then moved on and went to the rest of his family.
I think I am getting a bit soft now that I am in my 30's.
We explored the rest of the area which housed more temples, ruins and monkeys and then headed back to Thamal.
Our last night together was what it should be - great fun. We had a lovely meal and then got smashed again. I know it is a good night when someone chucks up but I am glad it was not me, but you know who you are!

Yesterday was then a standard post drinking day - food and the garden. In the evening the girls departed and I have to admit that I was a little sad. We have spent the last 8 days travelling together, as well as spending Xmas together in Pokhara and I have grown very fond of them all.
You meet some people in life and you just get on with them; it isn't difficult to have a conversation and you just enjoy each others' company, well that is what I had with Arancha, Josie, Nadia and Shahn.
The good thing is that in 2 mths and 2 days I will be landing in Oz and going to stay with Shahn straight away in Sydney, followed by a reunion the following weekend with all of the girls, so it is all good in the hood.

I would just like to say thanks again for making me feel so welcome within the group and even trusting me with the kitty on occasions!!

So that brings us to today. I think I will just bum around for the next few days. I have bought 2 books - Stephen Hawking's 'A Brief History of Time' and a 'Teach Yourself Spanish' book (I need to get to South America at some point). I have been growing restless for some intellectual stimulation and as I have so much time on my hands I should at least get something out of it.

Finally, Nepal has been fantastic. As with India, I have been completely blown away by the place and leave with very fond memories. Nepal is so dynamic; mountains, jungles, bustling citites and beautiful little quaint villages. As with India, I will definitely be coming back.

I am pretty sure that my posts will become more interesting as of next week when I report from Thailand. I just hope that the massage experience was not a prelude of what is to come in ladyboy central!!!